23/01/01

Today has been such a long day. I am so exhausted. I wonder whether you remember our conversation last night/this morning. You sounded quite asleep. I wonder what you remember - or not remember. For some reason (that is because I am madly in love with you), I love speaking with you even when you are half -or fully- asleep. How strange is that! A conversation typically requires two active sides. However, even when you are asleep, I feel happy speaking with you ... having a one-sided conversation; just because I feel I am with you and close to you. Oh, how much I love you ya Setty! How much I love feeling and being close to you.

I so love speaking with you ya Setty. I so loved our conversations today. I loved hearing your beautiful voice, listening to your heart-rocking laughs, and learning all about your mean facts. I love you so much ya a7la Setty, and I absolutely love speaking with you. Thank you very much for making me feel so happy tonight ya agmal we a7la Setty. I'm so madly in love with you. Everything about you.

22/01/01

Setty! I wrote in one in my previous journals how much I love this word. What it means to me and how it make me feel. However, what I did not write before is that while the word always holds and conveys my very deep, strong and powerful love feelings and emotions towards you, I sometimes use it with tremendous amounts of joy and happiness ... and other times it is accompanied with much agony and pain. Today, I use my beloved word, Setty, with the former. Today, I feel very happy. I feel I am flying in happiness. You are Setty. I missed you so much these past days. You were there, but I was alone. Today, I do not feel alone. Today, I feel your love. I feel your protection. I feel yours. Every bit in my being wants to be yours, wishes to be yours, and no one else's, forever. Today, you are Setty. I love you and I know I am yours. A few days ago, I dreamt you told me "You are mine. Mine. Mine. Mine". A few days ago, it was a dream. It was a wish. It was a prayer. Today, I feel it. I feel I am yours, and it fills my heart and soul with happiness. There is nothing I wish for more than being yours. Your property. Your love. Your companion. Your otta. Your bitch. Your friend. Your pet. Yours. Yours in every possible way. Totally, utterly and completely yours. You are Setty, and I am yours.

The closer I feel to you, the happier, calmer, more confident, more peaceful I feel. I love when I learn new things about you. I love when I know you better. You promised me you will never use silence against me again. To me, this means you promised you will never leave me alone again. You told me many other things, most of which we haven't discussed yet. Things such as that you want to love me without the burden of your "issues". What I really hope and would truly love is to learn all about your burdens. In full details. To share them with you. To carry them with you. In full weight. I want to be very close to you. I want to be useful for you. I want you to rely on me. To trust me. To be certain that I am and will always be with you ... Yours! Similarly, I wish that you would know everything about me too. I wish I could share all my thoughts, feelings and everything that I am with you. I wish we could become one. I never loved anyone the way I love you before - and I am sure I never will. I never attempted to be open with anyone before. I never felt I wanted to. But, with you, it is completely different. You are not like anyone else. You are you. You are my Love. My Mistress. My Owner. My Goddess. You are Setty! I want to be an open book for you. I want to share everything with you, just as much as I wish you would share everything with me. I want to be yours. Completely yours. You are Setty.

Today is my third week anniversary of ownership to you. I am so happy and grateful it is nothing like my second week one. I hope that my fourth, fifth, tenth, hundreds, thousandth, and all succeeding ones will continue to be as full of love and happiness as today. I love you ya Setty. I love you so much. I am madly in love with you. I love you, I adore you, and I worship you. You are Setty! I love you so much ya Setty.

21/01/01

I miss you so much ya Setty. I miss speaking with you a lot! Your texts sort of indicate that you are feeling better today. I hope it is true, and not my wishful thinking . I read the post you forwarded to me many times. I am happy you think it is wise. I see its rationale, and I hope you will decide to follow its embedded advice. I hope that you always remember and are aware of how much I love you and care for you, and how I would love nothing more than to be close to you, on all levels: emotionally, mentally, and physically. I hope you realize how I would love nothing more than to learn about everything that you are thinking and experiencing, and think with you and for you. I care about nothing more than your happiness ya Setty. I wish I could be of any use for you. I care about you so much, and I wish I could be part of your life. I just love you so much ya Setty.

In the past couple of days, I remembered and relived (in my mind) almost all of our meetings. I remembered the first time when we met in the club then I drove you home. The second time when I picked you up, played you the french songs, and we spent the night at Mena House where I served you bread and butter, then I knelt for you, kissed your feet and begged you to take me in before taking you home. And, how you showed me the place where you used to live on our way home. The third time when you denied me the privilege of seeing you (in spite of Zamalek's miracle), then changed your mind because I was wearing pink! And, how I loved receiving pain from you and loved worshiping your amazing body and pussy. Then, we went out and had dinner together after spending a good amount of time searching in Zamalek. And, the fourth and last time when we met at the club, then went to your house where I loved listening to your wishes, reading your poetry and seeing your drawings, then spent this glorious morning having breakfast together at the Marriott and brought the croissant on our way home. I remembered and loved all the details of all of our four meetings. This is not the first time I replay these four days in my mind. I am always remembering, re-remembering and re-living those four best days of my life. I love you so much ya Setty. I am so eager to spend more time with you, all my time with you, loving you, serving you, obeying you, adoring you, and worshiping you. You mean the world to me. I love you soooooooooo much! I miss you sooo much ya Setty. Soooooooooooo much.

20/01/01

I love you so much ya Setty. I so loved hearing your voice today, and even though our chat today was frequently interrupted, I still loved it very much. I miss you a lot ya Setty. I miss you very much. I miss seeing you, I miss seeing your smile which I adore, I miss your laugh which I relish, I miss hearing your beautiful voice, I miss spending hours only chatting with you and listening to your exciting stories, enticing adventures and (mostly) splendid dreams, I miss going on Pokemon quests with you, I miss getting Shadow's Shawerma,  I miss your touch, I miss feeling your soft skin, I miss smelling your sweet odor, I miss caressing your beautiful face, I miss worshiping your sexy body, I even miss feeling pain by your hands. I miss you so much ya Setty, and I miss everything about you. Even though our phone conversation earlier today was fairly short, I still loved hearing your voice and speaking with you. And, even though our chat was repeatedly interrupted, I still loved chatting with you earlier today. I appreciate any amount of time you allow me to spend with you, and regardless of the communication venue that you allow me. You are my Goddess, my Mistress, my love, Setty ... and, I am completely and madly in love with you.

Your words have such a powerful effect on me. When you tell me words like "I love you", "I want to be with you", "I miss you", "I miss being inside you", "... while you fuck me" ... You rock my world. You make me feel extremely happy. Your words make my heart flutter, they cause the sun to shine in my eyes; the stars to twinkle, dance, and sing with me; the moon to shine, grow and smile for me ... all at the same time. Your words take my fears away. They bury my worries. They allow my mind, heart and soul to rest and just enjoy being happy for being able to listen to you and marvel in being with you.

Even my dreams about you make me happy. When I dream about you making love to me, causing me to produce such intense moans and squeals. Or, when you tell me and stress to me that I am yours, Yours. Yours. Yours ... I feel quite happy. I wish I could be yours ... with every tiny bit of my heart, mind, body and soul ya Setty. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being yours. I want nothing more than being utterly and completely yours ... and no one else's ... only yours. I wish you would own me completely ya Setty. I wish to live my life under your will. I wish to live my entire life loving you, adoring you, worshiping you, pleasing you, obeying you, and hopefully succeeding in making you happy. You once wrote that I may be naive to think that I could please you ... and may be you are right, but I certainly hope not ... I do not know. What I do know is that I love with you my entire existence. The way I feel about you, I have never felt and will never feel that way about anyone else. It is only you and will never be anyone but you ... There is no one else like you and there could never be anyone else like you. You are perfect. Absolutely perfect. So, if I cannot make the one and only person I love so much happy, then what good is my life! I cannot imagine that I could ever fail with all the love I hold for you ... the strongest feelings I have ever experienced or will ever experience. I love you so much ya Setty, and I strongly feel that I could make you happy. Please do not make me doubt myself. Please do not say otherwise. Else, what good would my life be.

I love you so much ya Setty, and there is no where I'd rather live except with you ... and for you. I love you ya agmal we a7la we a3zam Setty! I love you soooooo much!

19/01/01

I woke up dreaming about you again today ya Setty. I woke up to find myself making squealing sounds. Again, I dreamt that you were making love to me, but this time I was both moaning as well as squealing. The dream felt so real to that extent that when I woke up I discovered that I was making these squealing sounds not only in the dream, but also in real life. I do not know if anyone heard me make these sounds. And, I do not know what anyone would imagine I am dreaming about, if they were to hear me make these sounds while asleep. I doubt they would imagine how much I love you, miss you, wish to be with you, and wish you would make love to me.

People have different views about dreams. Some believe that the soul leaves the body and travels into mysterious dimensions where it captures messages about the unknown. Science, however, postulates that dreams are representation of thoughts, beliefs, hopes and fears from our unconscious minds. Since I am a man of science, I share the latter postulation.

I wonder what my unconscious mind is trying to tell me by these dreams about you. Is it trying to tell me that I love you so much, that I long to be with you and feel you both outside and inside of me? Or, does it miss you too much and is trying to compensate for the void created by your absence by producing these vivid dreams and images about being with you? Or. perhaps, it fears that your absence is an indication that we are drifting apart and is trying to reassure itself that we are still close and that I will someday soon be even much closer to you, where I will feel and experience your love in the most intimate of ways. Psychiatry is certainly not one of my strong hauls. However, I do believe that my unconscious mind is trying to tell me something. I am just not certain what it is yet.

While I have yet to make a conclusion about the meaning of those dreams, I cannot but hope that I will continue to experience and remember more and more of them. I love dreaming about you ya Setty, and I particularly love dreaming about, and feeling, you make love to me. I love you so much ya Setty. I love you and I miss you so much. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being with you, being yours and living at your feet, by your side, and for you. Ottetek loves you and misses you so much ya Setty.

18/01/01

Setty 7abebty! I would never miss a day without writing for you. You are the only person I love writing for, and you are the only person I love doing things for. It is as if doing those things for you makes me feel and realize that I am yours, which by turn makes me feel happy, really happy. I missed you a lot today. We have not chatted almost at all, and I neither heard your voice. Earlier today, you told me you were puzzled about something, but you did not tell me what it is, which is certainly your absolute right. It is a privilege for me when you decide to share anything with me. Yet, since I am obliged to share all my feelings and thoughts with you, I have to tell you that I really wish you would have shared what was puzzling you with me.

Chatting with you, speaking with you, hearing your beautiful voice, and doing things for you make me feel very happy. They make me feel truly happy because they make feel close to you, and they also make me feel that I am yours. Similarly, when you share things with me, when you allow me to know aspects relating to your life, I feel very happy too. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being close to you, being yours, and spending my life with you, and for you. In addition to this, there is no one I love in this world more than I love you. There is no one I care about in this world more than I care for you. There is no one I wish would be happy more than I wish you would be. There is no one I wish I could serve and help make happy more than I wish I could make you happy. Accordingly, I wish I could know what was puzzling you because I wish I could be useful for you and hope that I could perhaps contribute to helping you think through what is puzzling you. I wish I could be of any help for you in any possible way.

Sitting here by the ocean, listening to the waves in the middle of the night, makes me think about you constantly, wishing you are here with me. I am always thinking about you, but because I love this place (the ocean) a lot, it always makes me think about you even much more and makes me wish you would be here sharing it with me. Because I love this place a lot, I feel like I want to share it with the person I love the most, You, ya agmal we a7la Setty. I remember that you do not like the sea much, yet being here thinking about you reminds me of the time when you were laying with your head on my thighs telling me about your 20 wishes. I so wish you were here with me ya Setty. I wish I could see you right now. I wish I could hear you. I wish I could speak with you. I wish you could see and feel all the love I hold for you.

I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty. I love you madly. And, I miss you a lot.

17/01/01

My love for you is like a fairy tale! Yesterday, I was thinking about how unique our story has been. I love you so much, even though we have met, face to face, for only 4 times. It is true that two of them were several hours long, yet still, in total, we have met for only four distinct times! Don't you think this is quite unique? Even if we add all the phone conversations we had. Only a few of them were a few hours long, but most of the other phone conversations were only a few minutes. So, even if we factor in all these phone conversations and add them to our face to face meeting times, I find that we have known each other for such a short period of time, in comparison to the amount of love and adoration I hold for you. I think it easily qualifies for a fairy tale ... a very unique and heart moving one!

I still know little about you. I have yet to learn a lot. For example, recently I have been thinking that I do not know your favorite colors, your favorite dressing styles, your favorite sweets and desserts, your favorite appetizers ... I have yet to learn how to cheer you up when you are down, how to earn your forgiveness when you are upset, what's the best way to make you smile, how you would think about or react to various incidents or motivators, what you hold dear and what is not that important to you ... too many things. I love you so much. I wish I could learn everything about you. I hope that one day I could be as close and dear to you as is practically impossible, yet with my love, adoration and determination, ultimately possible,

You told me a few times before that there are aspects that we will never get to know about one another except when we are living together. I completely agree with you, and wish I could be with you now before later, yesterday before today, last week before this week, last month before this month .... I can't wait to have the privilege of being with you not only because I love you and wish to be very close to you, and not only because I wish to know these aspects you were referring to, but also because I wish to learn everything about you. I wish to observe and learn absolutely everything about you. I wish to observe your every reaction, study your every response, recognize your every move, know your every thought and every feeling, be able to anticipate your every mood ... I long to be your dearest friend, most trusted companion, most loving partner, most adoring lover, most doting pet, most worshiping follower, most devoted slave ... I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty ... agmal we a7la Setty ever! I am so madly in love with you.