17/05/01

I hope Setty will allow me to speak with her, even if for a short while, on this New Year's Eve. This is not an event that I can pass without speaking with agmal Setty and wishing her a happy New Year in person!

16/05/01

One more post ... another day ... one day closer to returning to my beloved Setty

15/05/01

It's incredible that I've not missed a single journal post for more than 5 months now. It's also incredible how I still remember everything about you, how I miss all that I remember, how my feelings and awe towards you have not changed at all, how I'm still incredibly in love with you, and how I wish for nothing more than being at your feet, being with you, being yours.

14/05/01

I'm so tired. When I work so much for so long, I sometimes feel I hate my work. I miss Setty.

13/05/01

I worked 16 straight hours today! And, tomorrow will probably also be another hectic day. I can hardly wait to overcome this stressful time. I miss you ya Setty.

12/05/01

I hope you had a jolly Christmas day ya Setty.

11/05/01

Merry Christmas ya Setty! I wish you a fabulous day!

10/05/01

I miss you a lot! Why are you depressed! I miss hearing your voice and speaking with you ya Setty!

09/05/01

Even a short exchange of a few messages can make my day. Bamoot feeky ya Setty.

08/05/01

I miss you ya Setty! In all kinds of different ways ... and sooooooooo veryyyyyyy much!

07/05/01

I miss you very much ya Setty, and you're always on my mind. I love you, and will always do.

06/05/01

It seems that you've stopped reading my journal. It saddens my heart. I miss you ya Setty.

05/05/01

I still use your headphones all the time. I love using them because they're yours. They make me feel closer to you. And, I still have the toothbrush, but I'm using a newer one now. I wonder about you.

04/05/01

Some days I just miss you more than others. Some days I long for you more than others. I miss and long for you every day, but some days are just more than others. Today is one of those days.

03/05/01

No one has ever had (or will ever have) the same effect you have on me - not even close.  Your effect on me is incredible. Seeing your photo, seeing you, stirs so many deep feelings and emotions in me. It makes wish to be with you, at your feet, submitting to you, worshiping you, living my life with you and for you. I love you so much ya Setty!

02/05/01

These past couple of months have been quite stressful. I can hardly wait for this semester to be over. I miss Setty very much. I miss you very, very much!

01/05/01

Wow! Four months have already passed, and my desire and feelings for you remain just as strong! Happy 4 months anniversary ya Setty

30/04/01

I was really happy when I found you sent me your photos ya Setty. Thank you! No matter how far I am or how long it takes, seeing you, even in a photo, always has such an impact on me. Just like hearing your voice. You'll always rock me!

29/04/01

I apologize for missing a post yesterday. It was unintentional. I felt tired, so I decided to take a short nap. What happened is that I woke up 16 hours later! I collapsed and did not wake up till the following morning. This is how totally exhausted I was!

28/04/01

I am always thinking about you and missing you ya Setty. I miss you very much. I miss everything about you. I so wish I could see you new hair. I miss you very much.

27/04/01

I so wish I could see your new hair color! Please send me a photo ya Setty! I miss you very much!

26/04/01

I am so very tired. I haven't been getting enough sleep for many days now. I feel I'm running on fumes. I hope I'll get some good sleep tonight and won't wake up early. And, I miss you very much ya Setty!

25/04/01

No matter what I say, nothing can express how much I love you and miss you. I miss you so much ya Setty!

24//04/01

I had such a looooong and hectic day today. I missed hearing your voice today ... sigh ... I miss you very much ya Setty ... so very much! I can't wait for this semester to be over!

23/04/01

I loved hearing your voice today! I have missed you and still miss you very much. Just hearing your voice brought out an overwhelming amount of emotions that I haven't felt since our last conversation. I love your voice and I love you ya Setty. You rock me.

22/04/01

This is an unfair comparison. These couple of weeks are very different from both our sides ya Setty. I hope you'll allow me to speak with you tomorrow. I miss you loads!

21/04/01

Please don't be disappointed. I'm very sorry. I have been trying to avoid speaking with you for a short call; hoping that we could find a time suitable for a long one, but the time difference is making it challenging. Tomorrow, I have a very packed and very long day. I'll try reaching you as soon as it ends, but I'll probably find you asleep. So, if it doesn't work, hopefully, we could find a suitable time on Tuesday.

20/04/01

I'm sad I couldn't speak with you today ya Setty. I hope I'll be able to speak with you tomorrow. I miss you a lot !

19/04/01

I so missed the feeling of your dominance and ownership over me ya Setty. I so missed feeling that you love me ya agmal Setty. I miss you so much and I love you so very much! I hope you will allow me to speak with you this weekend, tomorrow, ya Setty ya rou7 alby.

18/04/01

I love your messages ya Setty! I miss you so much. I had a very long day today, and have another very long day tomorrow. It's the end of the semester and everything is hectic. But, I hope you'd allow me to speak with you this weekend. I miss you a lot!

17/04/01

I had such a long day today. I do not want to speak with you for a few minutes. I don't think I can speak with you for a few minutes. I'm afraid to speak with you for a few minutes. I miss you a lot! But, I'm also afraid you may be upset with me.

16/04/01

Every time I receive a text message from you, I feel happy. On the other hand, the content of the text message and how that content makes me feel is a different story.

15/04/01

Today was such a long day. I'm so tired, and already dozing off. I truly miss you so much ya Setty.

14/04/01

I'm guessing you're no longer reading my journal, which hurts. I wonder if you miss me, as I do you. I miss you very much ya Setty.

13/04/01

I feel embarrassed - and afraid - that I've not been able to speak with you for so many days ya Setty. I'm afraid of how you might respond to me when we speak. Please don't be upset ya Setty. My mom's visit is just so demanding and the time difference is also making it challenging. In addition to all the work demands and stress.  Please don't be upset ya agmal Setty. I miss you so much!

12/04/01

I'm terribly sorry ya Setty. Today was black Friday. I spent the entire day today driving my mom around, and the time difference is making it even more challenging. I miss you a lot and look forward to speaking with you.

11/04/01

There are many things that I wish to speak with you about. I miss you.

10/04/01

I'm upset I didn't speak with you today. I hope I could speak with you tomorrow. I miss you a lot!

09/04/01

I can't wait to speak with you tomorrow ya Setty. I've been missing you very much!

Btw: this is my hundredth post! Yay

08/04/01

Please speak with me ya Setty! I beg you. Please do!

07/04/01

I never liked cellphones. In fact, I've a reputation for not answering phone calls or responding to text messages. Callers are typically surprised when I answer a call.  It's because I almost never carry my phone. However, for you, I've been constantly moving with and carrying my phone every where and all the time.  It's just one more indication of how special you're for me ya Setty.

06/04/01

I still do not know why you thought I stopped writing, when I have yet to miss a single post. It's intriguing that I have continued to maintain my daily journal even though you have not been speaking with me. I think it just shows how much I miss you.

06/04/01

I miss so many different things about you. I miss chatting with you. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss seeing you. I miss your smell. I miss your eyes. I miss your touch. I miss your dominance. I even miss your mean-ness! Sigh

05/04/01

It has been so long since you last spoke with me ya Setty! I miss you very much. If you miss me too, then please speak with me.

04/04/01

Isn't it strange that in spite meeting for only a few times, I see you in so many things around me. I see you in friends I have, I see you in people I meet, I see you in thoughts I have, I see you in movies I watch, I see you in stories I read, and I even see you in random people on the street. I miss you very much ya Setty.

03/04/01

Keda ya Setty? Not even a word? Don't you miss me at all? Do you not want to speak with me at all?

02/04/01

I still miss you ya Setty. I'm sad you're not missing me or speaking with me.

01/04/01

Today is my three months anniversary! But, you're not even talking to me! I miss you ya Setty. Please talk to me!

31/03/01

It pains me that you do not want to speak with me. I miss you very much ya Setty.

30/03/01

I miss you very much ya Setty. Please do not be upset with me. Please speak with me. I love you ... very much!

29/03/01

This week has been pretty hectic and quite stressful for me. Losing and my phone and not being able to speak with you made the week a lot more worse!!! I miss you sooo much ya Setty. It hurts!

28/03/01

I miss you so much ya Setty! I miss speaking with you. I miss listening to your voice. I miss hearing your laugh. I miss knowing how you are. I miss seeing you. I miss seeing your smile. I even miss your mean remarks! I miss you and I love you so much ya Setty.

27/03/01

I love you so much ya Setty, and I miss you very much. I can't seem to find my phone! I will be very upset if I lost it. I hope I could find it tomorrow. I miss you. I love you.

26/03/01

Although it has been less than 24 hours since we last spoke, I already miss you very much. Being away from you is very hard for me too. I doubt you know how much I love you. I, myself, am still surprised by how much I love you. You fill my heart and soul with so many very powerful and happy emotions. It's true that I'm generally a happy person, but not as happy as I am when I speak with you. You're right, as always, with you I am abnormally happy ... but, it's because of how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I love you so much ya Setty.

25/03/01

I love you so much ya Setty. You're the only one I love, ever loved or will ever love. You own my heart, my mind and my soul. You're the only one I wish to live with and for, forever and till the end of my time. I love you so much. You're Setty.

24/03/01

I missed speaking with you very much today ya Setty. I am very sorry I was so tired and was asleep almost the entire day today. I kept thinking about you and about the conversation we had last night almost the entire time today, though. I so loved speaking with you yesterday. Please do not be upset ya Setty. I miss you very much. It hurts me too that we are so far away and that I am unable to be with you, and to serve and worship you in person the entire time. I love you so much ya Setty.

23/03/01

I loved speaking with you today ya Setty. I always do, but today was even more special for me. I love being your 7omar! I loved that you shared with me this story, and that you are sharing and discussing your plans with me. I love being and feeling close to you. I love feeling and hearing your emotions for me. I love knowing that you feel and know of my love for you, and that you have the same feelings for me. You are so special for me. So extremely special. There is only you for me. You are my only love, my only friend, the only person I speak with freely and trust, the only person I appreciate and value her opinion, the only person I never get bored being or speaking with, the only person I truly admire, greatly cherish and uniquely value. You are Setty, and I worship everything about you. I love you so very much ya agmal we a7la Setty. My one and only Setty.

22/03/01

These days, and in spite of all the stress, I'm in a very happy mood, and it's all because of you ya Setty.  I just love hearing your voice and speaking with you. I love you so much ya agmal Setty. So incredibly much.

21/03/01

I had a very long day today and have another long one tomorrow. I missed you today ya Setty. I love you so much.

20/03/01

I wonder why you asked me today if I really loved you. I often ask myself the same question. It surprises me too. It surprises me that I actually do love you extremely much, especially given the very short time that we spent together. But, you're everything I ever dreamed about or wished for. I've never and will never meet anyone like you, because there is no one like you. I love you so much ya Setty.

19/03/01

I love you so very much ya Setty. These days I feel so happy and uplifted, only because you're allowing me to speak with you. Your effect on me is astonishing and your control over me is unbelievable. I so love belonging tiny you, being yours, being owned by you ... I love you so much ya Setty. I worship you.

18/03/01

You mean the world to me. I do not know how I lived before you. Nothing makes me happy ... except you. Listening to your voice, seeing your photos, speaking with you, feeling your love ... This is the only time I feel happy ... Only you make me feel happy. I love you so much ya Setty.

17/03/01

I love you so much ya Setty. It means the world to me when I chat or speak with you ... and, when I see your photos, my world comes to a halt ... I become fixated in a worshipful trance. I wish you knew how much I love, adore and worship you. I love you so much ya Setty.

Lost 16/03/01

 I lost this post :"(

15/03/01

Since I fell in love with you, I have been discovering and realizing new feelings, thoughts, perspectives, aspects,  ... and, almost continuously ... the bitter sweetness of love, and the reasons, meanings and nature behind dogs' whining sounds being just couple of those. Speaking of and thinking about dogs earlier today, I realized a new one.

I realized how a dog that is neglected by his owner would feel hurt, abandoned, sad and depressed .... yet, in spite of all of that, would continue to love, adore, worship and long for even a look from his owner. I also discovered that regardless of how long his owner abandons him, neglects him or pushes him away, and regardless of how hurt, abandoned sad or depressed he feels, he would still instantly jump and run to his owners feet, kissing them, licking them and worshiping them only from something as simple as a smile, a word or even a "pssst" from his beloved owner.

14/03/01

Two days without a single word ... I miss you.

13/03/01

I liked the horror story! Such a cute baby monster. It's crazy how I love everything about you. And, it makes missing you all that much more difficult!

12/03/01

There is a reason I ended my last post with an observation, rather than a question or a conclusion. As is said, one shouldn't ask a question they do not wish to know the answer for. Or, as you say, things materialize only when we name them. I guess it didn't help that I refrained. Despite of my best efforts in denying what I know to be true, you've announced it loud and clear ... and, brought out an end to my denial.

I'm not neutral. I just have very strong control over myself. In addition to my unique upbringing, it's one of the traits of all world class card players. Anecdotally, I was trying to give it all up for you. I have been constantly trying to take down all my walls and let you in. Completely in. And, I would still do it, in a heart beat, for you. Your pain hurt me tremendously, especially the part attributed to me. I wasn't happy about it. I told you I'd sacrifice and suffer for you ... and, I meant it. I could see you're pushing me away, and I let you be. In fact, I might have helped you too. I didn't try to fight back, not because I'm neutral, but because I am unable to be with you right now or make you happy. So, I trusted you'd choose what would make you happier.

Now, I'm conflicted with many different and opposing thoughts and emotions. The only aspect I have no doubt about is that I still love you very much and I'll always do. No matter how far you push me, how far we drift or how long we live, you'll always be the one and only Setty I ever loved, love or will ever love, and the only person I ever wished to submit to, surrender to, and live my life with and for. You will always be my dearest, most beloved Setty.

11/03/01

I am very happy you're writing again. I absolutely love reading your writings ... All of them; whether on your website or your WordPress blog. And, I love your poem!!

I respect your mind and enjoy your views. I love the fact that i learn a lot from you. It's one of the primary reasons that made me fall in love with you. While I felt happy that you liked one of my recent posts and proud that you decided to highlight an excerpt of it in your blog, I couldn't help but notice your choice of words when referring to me. You said "A beautiful extract of the subs journal" ... "the subs" ... not "my subs". 

10/03/01

I'm happy that you have started writing a blog, and that you shared it with me. I loved reading your three posts. I just love everything about you ya Setty. One of your posts raised the following question in my mind: Do I feel safe with you? I have been thinking about this almost the entire day, and I've been reaching different conclusions.

I know that being yours and with you makes me feel exceptionally happy, way beyond what I could express with words, but do I feel safe? For one aspect, there are many different sides to safety. There is physical, psychological, mental, emotional, societal, among others. And, there are many different sides within each. On a different aspect, since I feel very happy for being yours and with you, do I even care about being safe. I clearly remember you once telling me something within the context of: that it's possible that a Mistress could brake one of her toys, even if she likes it a lot; hence, it's possible that she could brake her slave too. So, is this safe?

While I could probably continue to analyze, think and write about this topic extensively, my bottomline conclusion was that because I love you so much, and because I trust your intelligence and love for me, I find myself willing to overlook my safety only for being able to be yours and with you, and being able to please you. Nothing makes me happier than pleasing you. I love you ... very much ... ya Setty.

09/03/01

Thank you for your support today ya Setty. I dearly appreciate it. It means a lot to me. The effect you have on me never seizes to amaze me!

I find it pretty interesting how I lived my entire life valuing my independence, full of pride for owning it, fighting anyone who even dares to question it, let alone attempts to challenge it. Yet, with you it is the complete opposite. With you, I find myself not only willing to surrender my independence, but also wishing to loose it ... wanting to give it all up to you and for you. I find myself wishing to surrender every aspect of my life to you ... to live my entire life under your control and in submission to your authority. I love you so much ya Setty. I worship you.

08/03/01

I'm very stressed. I've an important deadline in 17 hours, but I do not know if I'll be able to meet it. It's causing me a lot of stress. I'm also quite stressed because I miss you very much ya Setty. I hope you're well.

07/03/01

I always remember you. I am always thinking about you. I do not like feeling and being a stray dog. I miss Setty.

06/03/01

I truly miss you ya Setty. I do not like that I have come to know very little about you ... I do not know how you are, how your days are going, how things are going, how you are feeling, what you are thinking about ... I do not know anything about you theses days ... and for almost two weeks now. I know you have your reasons; so, I am not complaining. I am only sharing my thoughts and feelings. This week is quite stressful for me. I have to work a lot this week. I think about you all the time. I hope you are well.

05/03/01

I am very stressed this week. I've got some very rigid deadlines that I have to meet. And, I miss Setty, alot. Sigh.

04/03/01

I hope you're almost over your cold by now ya Setty. I can't tell you how much I wish I could have been there with you through this cold; pampering you, taking care of you, making sure you're taking your meds on time, making sure you're getting enough rest and enough good sleep, making you lemonades and making sure you're drinking enough fluids, cooking for you and making sure you're eating healthy, keeping your company, giving you massages, entertaining you, loving you, worshipping you, and just being there for you ... Just taking care of you ... Setty.

03/03/01

I miss you a lot ya Setty, and I love you very much.

Communication is the primary cornerstone of any successful relationship. Be it a relationship between lovers, friends, business partners, life partners, teammates, coaches and players, siblings, parents and kids, teachers and students, national allies, landlords and tenants, leaders and followers ... whatever the relationship, communication is a significant and necessary component for success. Poor communication is always a recipe for trouble ... and, lack of communication is undoubtedly a recipe for failure.

While I have not thought about this before, reflecting on it, I can sort of deduce why I have consistently maintained writing this journal for you, but never for anyone else. I can conclude that I never cared to write a journal for anyone else because I never cared to maintain communication with anyone else .. because I never cared about maintaining my relationship with anyone else ... but not you. Because I care about you like I never cared about anyone else ... because I love you like I never loved anyone else ... because I care about my relationship with you like I never cared about my relationship with anyone else ... because I want to maintain my relationship with you like I never did with you any one else ... because of these reasons, I started and have continued to write this journal for you like I never did with anyone else ... because I care about the success of my relationship with you like I never did with anyone else, and because I never wanted to be with anyone else like I want to be with you ... because I love you like I never loved or will love anyone else.

You taught me many things. It is one of the many reasons that I love you. And, I love you for a lot of many different reasons. I love so many different things about you. But, the one aspect that attracted me most to you was your intellect and intelligence. I always loved listening to you, learning about your thoughts and seeing things from your perspective ... which was not always consistent with mine ... but it was always intelligent ... and I loved it. I still remember our very first long conversation, which was after our first meeting ... and how you helped me remember things about myself that I myself had long forgotten. I always remember and re-remember many of our succeeding long conversations, and while I cannot always recall all the conversation details, I clearly remember how I always enjoyed them  - a lot! - whether the conversations were in person or on the phone. I always remember and re-remember many of our conversations. I even often go back and read our very first conversations (which were not on Whatsapp). The one aspect that has consistently been present in all of my fond and loving memories of you is how much we enjoyed communication and how long our conversations have always been.

We, both, have many similarities and many differences. Yet, we have both previously stated our mutual lack of belief in distant relationships and our understanding of the potential difficulties, challenges and hardships. Since communication is not only limited to words whether visual or verbal, it also includes facial expressions, body language, gestures, and touch, among others, there is no wonder that distant relationships are difficult. You tasked me with maintaining this, our, relationship, which is a task that I dearly value ... because, I love you and I want nothing more than the success of this relationship ... not for just now ... but forever. From the deepest bottom of my core, I want you ya Setty ... from the deepest core of my being, I want to spend my entire life at your feet, serving you, loving you, pleasing you and worshiping you ... I want to spend my entire life with and for you. I love you so much ya Setty.

I know that something has been off recently, and I have no doubt you know it too. To maintain our love, I am asking you to open your sole and speak with me ya Setty. To speak with me from your heart ... not your mouth. I am asking you to communicate with me ya Setty. I believe that communication was one of the primary vehicles that led to our love ... when you helped me rediscover myself ... when we spent the whole night at Mena House ... when I helped you find the Pokemon ... when you told me about your 20 desires ... when we dined at Thomas ... when we had breakfast at the Marriott ... and when we spent hundreds of the other hours speaking ... We were always communicating ... and, I think communication is also the key for maintaining our love.

I love you so much ya Setty ... more than words alone could ever convey ....

02/03/01

Thank you for trying to speak with me. I appreciate it. I do love hearing your voice and talking with you. Your voice sounded quite sick today. I hope you are feeling better, and I wish you a speedy recovery ya Setty.

Sometimes I wonder if you realize how often I remember you. The truth is I never remember you ... because I never forget you. I am always thinking about you. Whether I am working, eating, driving, teaching, going out, watching TV, falling asleep, waking up, playing, flying, traveling, sailing ... whatever it is that I am doing, you are always on my mind ... always reliving specific moments, rehearing certain conversations, reflecting upon certain incidents, re-seeing your photos, imagining future possibilities, rereading our chats, fantasizing about a specific scenario ... The truth is I never remember you because I never forget you. You are always on my mind.

01/03/01

I am two months old! Today is the first day of my third month. Yay! I feel very happy.

It is astonishing how you completely own and control my feelings and my emotions. Last night, and this morning when I woke up, I did not feel that happy or excited. In fact, I felt the opposite. I felt bitter, disappointed and sad. I felt we were drifting apart, and I felt I was loosing you. Yet, throughout the day, and as a result of just exchanging messages with you ... as a result of feeling your presence ... as a result of reading your "lol's" ... as a result of feeling your ownership of me ... as a result of sensing your celebration of my two months ... as a result of knowing that you liked the bouquet ... as a result of seeing your photo ... as a result of your statement that I love you ... as a result of liking my photo ... as a result of feeling that you want me ... I feel very happy and very excited ... Just like that ... by only some messages!

Your power over me ... your control over me ... your dominance over me ... your ownership of me ... are all so powerful. I love it ... I love being yours ... Nothing makes me happier ... I want nothing more ... There is no where I want to be more than being with you ... There is no voice I love hearing more than yours ... There is no one I love seeing more than you ... There no one I love speaking with more than you ... There is no one that excites me more than you ... There is nothing I want to do more than taking care of you, pampering you, and making you happy ... There is nothing I want more than you.

28/02/01

I am happy I reached this milestone. In spite of my worry about, and fear from, our current status, I still hope and I am still determined to reach many, many others with you ya Setty. I love when I can make you smile or cause you happiness ... and I love seeing your photos and seeing your radiant smile. It has such a strong effect on my emotions. It fills my heart with pride, content and pure delight. So, thank you for sending me your photos. Thank you for making me feel these heart and life warming, pleasant, and delightful feelings. I miss so many things about you; so many different things.

27/02/01

One more day till I reach a new milestone! I hope it will be one of many milestones that are yet to come. I am not happy that we are not speaking. In addition to missing you, feeling lonely, feeling abandoned, and feeling something is missing and is not right with my life, I fear that we might grow (or may be already growing) further apart. I love you so much ya Setty ... I love you beyond words ... and, I do not want to loose you. I have dreamt about you my entire life, and I am ecstatic that I finally found you. You are everything I ever dreamt about or wished for. I realize that you are pretty stressed at this time, and I feel that this stress is causing you to be a little less patient and more critical of me, which is not something that I am complaining about. I love you so much and I am willing to take and endure whatever life would throw at me ... for you. I hope that, together, we could figure this out and find a way to overcome it, stay together and grow even much, much closer with every new challenge and passing day. I hope that your flat plans will materialize and life will become smoother. I hope that I will continue to be your dear lover, close friend, doting pet, cherished sub, horny bitch ... and anything and everything else you might like me to be. I love you so much ya Setty. I want to spend my life with you. I wish for nothing more than pleasing you and making you happy. You are my dear and most beloved Setty.

26/02/01

I'm very happy your meeting with the lawyer was comforting, and you're more relieved now. I love you so much ya Setty, and wish for nothing more than your happiness and comfort ... and, being with you.

I'm only 2 days away from braking the 28/02/01 milestone. I'm very excited and happy that I'll be even more special for you ... Setty. I love you so much ya Setty, and so strongly wish to be at your beautiful feet and with you. The word Setty still fills me with such strong feelings and emotions. I love saying it. I love feeling it. I love submitting to you. I love belonging to you. I love feeling that I'm yours. Thank you very much for allowing me to feel these strong, rocking feelings. Thank you for being Setty, and for rocking me and rocking my life and my world. Also, thank you very much for comforting me earlier today. For telling me that you miss me. I love you so much ya Setty. So So so much. I love you ya Setty, and I miss you so very very very very very much.

25/02/01

I hope your meeting with the lawyer went well. It has been a week now ya Setty. I do not feel you miss speaking with me. Do you miss me ya Setty? I miss you so much. Please allow me to speak with you ya Setty. I beg you ya Setty.

24/02/01

I have been very happy and excited since I listened to your voicemail last night ya Setty. Since I heard your voice. Since I listened to you tell me otta, tell me that you are not upset, and wish me a good night. I have been very happy and excited to the extent that I slept well and had many dreams about you. I was very happy and excited to the extent that I woke up still happy and excited thinking about nothing but speaking with Setty and hearing your voice. I have been very happy and excited because I miss you so much ya Setty. Because I love you so much and I miss you so much. I have been very happy and excited because I thought I was going to speak with Setty and hear your voice today. I apologize that my happiness and excitement "happened" and caused you not to want to speak with me. I miss you so much ya Setty.

23/02/01

I am sad I was not able to speak with you today either ya Setty, but I am happy that you are well. The message you sent me got me quite worried, but thank you very much for comforting me. I am happy you are well ... I am also very happy that I got to hear your voice, even though it was only a voicemail. I thought I knew how much I missed you. I thought I knew and I thought I felt that I missed you very much. But, I realized that that wasn't true. Hearing your voice message made me realize that I missed you a lot more than what I thought I did. Listening to your voicemail, knowing that you are not upset with me, hearing you call me otta, and listening to you wish me a good night made me feel how I incredibly miss you and how I am so completely and madly in love and in awe with you. It is so crazy that such a mere 13 second voicemail from you rocked me so much. But, then again, it is very appropriate ... because I am just as madly in love with you. You are Setty. I worship you. You rock me. There is nothing I want more than to be yours. To be with you. To be at your feet. To love you. To worship you. To live with you. To live for you. I love you so very much ya Setty. No words could ever convey how much I love you and how much I worship you. Ohhhhh ya Setty. I am so under your thumb. So under your spell. You have such strong dominance, power and control over me. I am your slave. Your otta. Your bitch. I am yours ... and, there is nothing I want more than to be yours. There is nothing that makes me feel happier, more content, or more at peace than loving you, submitting to you and being yours. I love you so very very very very very much ya Setty. So incredibly much. I worship you. You are Setty. Agmal we a7la we a3zam Setty ... ever! I love you ya Setty.

22/02/01

I miss you very much ya Setty. Please allow me to speak with you ya Setty. I do not know why you do not want to speak with me. Are you upset because of my heavy work schedule? Is this the reason or is it something else? Please talk to me ya Setty. I miss you very very very much. It hurts not to speak with you, know how you are doing, listen to you, hear your laugh. I miss you wishing me a good night and a good morning. I miss submitting to you and feeling your dominance. I miss you very much ya Setty. Please do not be upset with me. Please allow me to speak with you ya Setty. I beg you ya Setty. I love you.

21/02/01

I miss you sooooooooooo much ya Setty! This is the second day in a row you sleep without speaking with me or wishing me a good night. Please do not be mad at me ya Setty. I miss you sooooooo much! I hope you will allow me to speak with you tomorrow. I so miss speaking with Setty ... 7abebty ... rou7 alby ... 7abeebet 32ly. I miss listening to your voice very much. I wish you knew how much I love hearing your voice and your laughs. I miss you soo much ya Setty. Soooo very very very much!

20/02/01

I was hoping and looking forward to speak with you today ya Setty. Ottettek misses you very much. I'm also a little worried about you. You haven't slept before without at least wishing me a good night. I hope everything is alright ya rou7 alby ya agmal Setty.

I did a good amount of work today but I'm still very behind on several upcoming deadlines, which is very stressful for me. I love you and I miss you so much ya Setty

19/02/01

I was very happy today to hear your voice ya Setty. Oh, how I love you and miss you so much! At the same time, I was sad that I wasn't able to be with you while you were unhappy. How I wish I could just lay beside you and at your feet ... caressing you ... kissing you ... worshiping you ... serving you ... and taking care of you ya Setty. I hope that I could speak with you tomorrow and that you could tell me all the things you wanted to tell ottettek ya Setty. I love you so much ya Setty. So very very very very much ... I am so madly in awe and love with you ... my Mistress ... my Owner ... my love ... my Goddess ... Setty rou7 alby.

18/02/01

I am so excited I am only 10 days away from 28/02/02! Because, then, I will be your only pup who has made it this far, and I will be even more special for Setty, who I completely adore. But, this will only be one of many, many more milestones that I fully intend to achieve and shatter. I hope that I will continue to be your special doting pup till the end of my time ya agmal we a7la Setty. I am so in love with you ya Setty.

I love you so much ya Setty and I miss you very much. I spent my entire day today just waking up and dozing off again. I was so tired. I wanted to continue sleeping till the morning, but I woke up to write my journal entry ... because I love you so much ya Setty and wish I could always please you and make you happy. I miss speaking with you very much ya Setty. I wonder how your day was. I have two very stressful weeks with many deadlines ahead of me. I miss you very much ya Setty. I love you so much ya Setty. I so wish I could just lay my head at your beautiful feet ya Setty, kiss and worship them, be absolutely happy and at peace ... be in my submissive heaven at my beautiful Goddess's beautiful feet ... my amazing Goddess who I completely belong to and who completely owns me ... mind, heart, body and soul. I love you so much ya Setty.

17/02/01

I am very sorry I upset and disappointed you ya Setty. Listening to your voice messages, I immediately saw and realized my mistake. I felt sad and disappointed in my own self for making this silly mistake. I am truly very sorry for not being able to notice and avoid making making it. Yet, at the same time, in my own defense, I think you are being a little too harsh on me ya Setty ... because I did (and always do) desire to tell you more details.

Since the last time, and per your instructions, I never went out without informing you ya Setty. But, you never told me or indicated to me that you wanted me to inform you of details. On the contrary, I usually feel that you are not interested in knowing much details about my daily life, whether it is work, social or play. At several different times, I tried telling you details about various different things in my life and every time I felt you were not interested. So, I was under the impression that you are not interested in learning about much details. Yesterday, like at other earlier times, against my own preference. I refrained to inform you of details, even though I wanted to ... because I thought that this was your preference.

At the same time, at a couple of earlier times, you commented that when I send you many messages while you are asleep, the sound of your phone wakes you up. Therefore, I have been always trying to minimize the number of messages I send to you while you are asleep. I am always thinking about you ya Setty ... I am always checking your photos and the messages we exchange. I love you so much ya Setty, and I love being owned by you. There is nothing I wish more than being completely yours and living under your authority.  

I do not argue that I made a silly mistake and I am truly sorry ya Setty. Just like I have learnt from and never repeated any of my previous mistakes, I promise you that I have learnt my lesson and will not repeat this mistake again. Please forgive me ya Setty. Please do not be upset with me. I think that you are usually too critical of me when you are upset or angry. When you are less upset with me, I hope you will forgive me ya Setty. I love you so much and I wish for nothing more than living at your feet, living for you, being yours and being owned by you ya Setty. I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty. So very very very very very much.

16/02/01

Setty 7abeebet alby! I do not think you realize how much I love you and respect your intellect and thoughts. Your words and actions have such a strong effect on me. You are very important for me; you are Setty ... my love ... my owner ... and I am yours. So, I pay very close attention to your words, actions and reactions. I do not think you realize this. I do not think you are aware of the strong impact that your words and actions have on me. When we spoke earlier, you said you couldn't take how cheerful I was. This is not the first time you make such a comment. So, I started thinking about it and reflecting on it. As has been happening repeatedly, I ended up learning more about myself. You are constantly causing me to learn more and more about myself.  

Upon reflecting on it, I did notice that your comments have been very true. I am surprised to notice that I am always very cheerful, happy and excited when I speak with you. Regardless of how tired, exhausted, sleepy, angry, upset, or any other mood I might be feeling, just seeing your message or hearing your voice, completely changes my mood. It immediately turns my feelings to be full of cheerfulness, happiness and excitement! I instantly become so happy and very excited that I can relate to a dog jumping up and down, and wagging his tail only for the sight of his owner. These observations just reconfirm what I already know. It confirms how totally, completely and utterly I am in love with you. It reconfirms and depicts how much I love you, worship you, and wish I could spend every moment of my life living with you and for you. I just love you so much ya agmal we a7la we a3zam Setty. So very very very very very much. I am totally, completely and utterly madly in love with you ya Setty. I worship you. I love you ... ya Setty.

15/02/01

I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty. You rock me and rock my world! You drive me mad. You excite me beyond words. Hearing your voice ... seeing you ... seeing your photos ... they all make me melt. I cannot express my feelings when I see your photos ... when I see your beautiful face and your heavenly smile ... or when I dream about touching and caressing your beautiful face ... or kissing your sexy lips. You have a body of Goddess! A body I long to touch, smell, kiss, lick and worship. The form of your shape, the color of your skin, the smoothness of your body ... whether it is your face, your neck, your shoulders, your arms, your hands, your fingers, your back, your boobs, your torso, your ass, your pussy, your thighs, your legs, your feet, your toes ... they all make me melt.

Ohhhh ya Setty! Your feet! ... Your feet rock me ya Setty ... They are so beautiful and so very sexy. They drive me mad! When I see photos of your beautiful feet and your sexy toes, my heart flutters, my body trembles, my hands shake, my knees wobble ... And, all I can think about is that I want to be there ... with you ... at your feet. I want to be there. I want to be kneeling at your beautiful feet ... watching them, smelling them, touching them, kissing them, licking them, sucking them, worshiping them ...  every inch of them ... your toes, between your toes, your feet balls, your arches, your heels, your feet tops, your ankles ... every single inch ...  I want to be there ... at you feet ... your loving, adoring, doting pet ... submitting to you ... belonging to you ... taking care of you ... serving you ... worshiping you. Such incredible and powerful feelings.

Thank you ya Setty. Thank you ya agmal we a7la Setty. Thank you for rocking me and rocking my world. Thank you for allowing me to feel these indescribable feelings. Thank you for owning me. Thank you for allowing me to be yours. I love you soooo much ya Setty. Soooo very very very very very very much! You own me ... I am yours ... You are Setty!

14/02/01

I miss you ya Setty. I miss speaking with you. I miss hearing your voice. I miss listening to your laugh. I miss seeing you. I miss you. And, I am thinking about you all the time. I am thinking about kissing you. About kneeling at your feet. About submitting to you. About kissing your feet. About worshiping your beautiful pussy. About kissing your sexy ass. About massaging your rocking body. About shaving your legs. About running your bath. About giving you a shower. About brushing your hair. About hugging you. About sleeping beside you. About sleeping at your feet. About preparing your breakfast. About serving you breakfast in bed. About watching you fall asleep. About helping you change your clothes. About taking your shoes off. About washing your feet. About massaging your feet. About putting your shoes on. About being fucked by you. About feeling you inside of me. About fucking you. About driving you around. About running your errands. About fixing your drink. About making you bread and butter. About making you meals. About eating at your feet. About living with you. About living for you. About pleasing you. About making you happy. I am thinking about you all the time ya Setty. I miss you ya Setty. I love you so much ya Setty. So very very very much. I love you and I miss you ya Setty.

13/02/01

Setty 7abeebet alby! Ottettek misses you and hopes you are having a good sleep. I feel very happy when I do something that succeeds in pleasing you, cheering you, exciting you, making you smile, or making you laugh. I love making you happy. I so love when you are happy, and wish you would always be happy ... and, I love it a lot more when I am the one who is causing your happiness. It makes me feel useful ... even if for a little tiny bit ... but your happiness is not even close to being tiny. It is huge for me. It is the one thing I wish most. I guess that is probably the reason I have started writing and continued to maintain writing this journal ... only to please you ... Setty ... we 7abebty ... we rou7 alby. I felt very happy today when you told me that my meows excited you; it is the reason I made them and sent them to you ... to please you! Thank you ya agmal we a7la Setty for allowing me to feel happy ... just for pleasing you. I love you so much ya agmal we a3zam we a7la Setty. I love you so very very very very very much ... and I love being your otta ... meow ... meow ...

12/02/01

I missed you today ya a7la Setty, but I was very happy to see your designs - and the video of the dog. Thank you very much for sharing them with me ya agmal we a7la Setty. I love you so much. Every minute that I spend without chatting with you, speaking with you, listening to your voice, seeing you makes me miss you. I so love hearing your voice when I wake up ... it brightens my day ... and, I so love hearing your voice before I go to bed ... it brightens my dreams. I have been dying to sleep for about 4 hours now, but I am resisting. I am trying to stay awake for as long as I can. Because, I do not wish to fall asleep without listening to your voice first. I will try to stay awake for as long as I can, hoping I could hear Setty's beautiful voice before I sleep. That way I know my sleep would be a lot more better: more relaxed, peaceful, comfortable, a lot more happier ... and I might perhaps have some memorable dreams of agmal Setty. I cannot tell you how much I love dreaming about you ya Setty! All these feelings are very new for me, but I love them. I feel happy when I hear your voice and listen to your laughter ya Setty. They make my day - and night - a lot more better. I love you so much ya Setty.

11/02/01

These days, I am constantly feeling happy, cheerful, and excited ... and, it is all because of you ya agmal we a7la Setty. I wonder if you know the kind of power and effect you have on me. Every time you tell me that you love me, I loose a couple of seconds from life. I literally do. I become so excited and happy to the extent that I become fixated on your words. I loose consciousness for a few seconds. I regain my consciousness only a few seconds later, after I had lost a few seconds from life. But, I do not loose my happiness and excitement. I remain happy and excited and my love for you duplicates. My gratefulness towards you for allowing me to feel so happy and excited makes me fall in love so much more with you ... ya agmal we a7la we a3zam Setty. I so love you and worship you. I am so head over heels for you. You rock me and rock my world. You are so incredible beautiful, gorgeous, and phenomenally amazing. I am so in love with you ya Setty. No words could convey these feelings I have for you or how happy and excited your love makes me feel. Thank you ya Setty. Thank you for allowing me to love you. Thank you for allowing me to love you more every day. Thank you for allowing me to be yours. Thank you for allowing me to live for you. You are Setty ... and, I am so madly in love with you.

10/02/01

It is fascinating how I love you more and more every day! Your happy, loving side is so completely irresistible, mind blowing, heart enchanting, and utterly captivating! I feel excited and my breath becomes heavy only thinking about it and remembering it. The entire day today, I kept reading and re-reading your messages, seeing your photos, remembering your voice and recalling your words. Talking with you this morning, I was in such a love trance. I was so under your spell. You are so incredible ya Setty ... absolutely incredible ... and I love you so much. I love you so much more and more, day after day.

After our phone conversation this morning, all I could think about was how much I wish I could feel you inside of me. I never felt that way towards anyone else before, but with you, I think about it quite often. It is probably because how submissive I feel towards you. How I love being your otta. How I love being your bitch. How I love being yours. I really love how I love you, yet I also love how I fear you at the same time.  I fear upsetting you. I fear being scolded by you. I fear being punished by you. I fear not being able to speak with you or hear your voice. I fear you thinking less of me. I fear you loving me less. I love you so much, yet at the same time, because of how much I love you and how submissive I feel towards you, I also fear you.

I love everything about you ya Setty. Everything! I think about you and remember you all the time. I love you so much. I am possessed by your love. I love you so much ya Setty.

09/02/01

Setty 7abeebet alby! I love you so much! I know that I love you so much because of so many reasons. In addition to my very strong feelings for you, in addition to how my heart flutters when I see you, in addition to how happy I feel when I hear your voice, in addition to how much I love seeing your smile, in addition to how much I love listening to your laughter, in addition to how much I enjoy speaking or chatting with you, in addition to how much I think and dream about you ... in addition to all these aspects, I know that I love you so much for many many others too.

I know that I love you so much because I fear upsetting you, like I never feared upsetting anyone before. I know that I love you so much because I feel jealous, like I never felt that way about anyone before. I know that I love you so much because I am always thinking about you, like I never thought about anyone to that extent before. I know that I love you so much because I am always dreaming about being with you and serving you, like I never thought about anyone before. I know that I love you so much because I worry about your comfort and safety, like I never worried about anyone before. I know that I love you because I am always thinking about submitting and surrendering myself to you, like I never thought that way about anyone before. I know that I love you so much because I enjoyed and miss receiving pain from you, like I never felt that way before. I know that I love you so much because I am always thinking about feeling you inside of me, like I never felt that way before. I know that I love you so much because I am always dreaming about spending my entire life at your feet and with you, like I never thought that way about anyone before. I know that I love you because I want nothing more than to please you, your pleasure is my utmost desire, like I never felt that way towards anyone before. I know that I love you so much because I never valued or respected anyone's ideas, thoughts and opinions, like I value and respects yours before. I know that I love you so much because I love obeying you, like I never did with anyone else before. I know that I love you so much, because I never loved anyone that way before.

I worry about you. I worry when you get injured. I worry when you feel pain. I worry when you feel frustrated. I worry when I do not hear your voice. I worry when you do not sound happy. I worry when you do not laugh. I worry when you do not sleep well. I worry when you do not wish to see a doctor. I worry when you are upset. I worry when you hang up on me. I worry when you do not respond to me. I worry about you, like I never worried about anyone else before.

I love you so much ya Setty! So very very very very very much!

08/02/01

Setty! I love you so very much! I am very happy that you spoke with me yesterday. I love feeling close to you. I love learning everything about you. I love knowing you and knowing how you feel and how you think. I was not happy that you are feeling so frustrated and stressed, but I was happy that you decided to share your frustrations with me. I felt happy that you felt you could trust me with this and that you spoke with me. I love you so much and I miss you so very much. I love hearing your voice. I so love you voice. Your voice is closest to my heart. Listening to your voice fills my heart with love and content. It makes my heart flutter. It is such a strange feeling how only hearing someone's voice can have such a strong effect on my feelings and being. But, it is not just someone's voice. It is your voice. The voice of you ... my love ... Setty.

It hurts me when you get upset with me, frown upon me, or call me names. It hurts me to the extent that I think a lot about everything I say. You get upset because of my silence, but you do not realize that I am silent because I fear upsetting you. I am silent because I go through tens of iterations of what I wish to say. I am silent because I am thinking about what I should say or not say, how I should say it or not say it, and what your reaction might be. I am not used to being called names or to being scolded or shouted at, and it hurts me when you do so. It hurts me because my intentions are always based on my deep love for you. My intentions are always to please you. I am still trying to get used to it with you. I love you so much and I am trying to change how I feel, what I say, what I do, or what I expect ... only for you ... to be with you ... to be what would please you ... and to be what you would like me to be. I am so in love with you ya Setty.

I woke up this morning and I could not think about anything except you. Dreaming about licking your dirty feet clean. Dreaming about hearing your voice. Dreaming about being at your feet, submitting to you, loving you, and worshiping you. Dreaming about being fucked by you, being close to you, feeling your skin on mine, feeling you inside me, feeling your breath on my skin. Dreaming about kissing you, feeling your tongue in my mouth, tasting your saliva. Dreaming about worshiping your pussy, feeling your pleasure, tasting your juices ... Oh, ya Setty. I love you so very very very much.

07/02/01

I so love my submissive feelings for you. I love your dominance and control over me. I love listening to you, obeying you, worshipping you, and being yours, owned by you. I so wish I could just kneel at your feet, kiss them, lick them, rub my face and body over them and over your legs, feel your pat on my head, and melt in your loving ownership gaze for me.

It's strange that at the same time, I love my platonic love, awe and adoration feelings for you, and yours for me. I love listening to your voice, looking into your eyes, holding your hand, caressing your face, seeing and listening to your laugh, and even just looking at you or seeing you. When you tell me words like 7abibi or I love you, my heart pounds, the time slows down and I cannot observe or think about anything else except of how happy and excited I feel. I never understood the concept of wishing that time would stop at a single second, except when I am with you.

Yet, at the same, too, I love my sexual feelings towards you. Your sexuality drives me mad. I completely love every single inch of your sexy body. Whether it's your lips, your shoulders, your neck, your boobs, your ass, your pussy, your hands, your thighs, your legs, your feet, your touch, your cock ... Every single inch of your body excites me and makes me rock hard. Every time I think about you, or I talk or chat with you, I feel horny and excited!

My love for you is all encompassing. It is very deep and has so many layers. It's the kind of love that controls my every thought and my very being. Your control over me is infinite. I love you so very very very very very very much ya Setty. I worship you!

06/02/01

I'm so happy and excited. I'm so happy I almost forgot to write this journal. I went to bed then remembered and woke up again, only to write it ... for you ... ya Setty. Oh, how I love this word ... how I love saying it to you, and how happy I feel when I say it ... ya Setty ... ya agmal we a7la Setty.

I missed you sooooooooo much ya Setty. Thank you for allowing me to speak with you. Thank you for allowing me to hear your voice. Thank you for allowing me to hear your laugh. Thank you for allowing me to see you ... ya agmal we a7la Setty. I missed you so much. I love everything about you, and I missed everything about you. I felt so sad. I felt so much pain. I felt so confused. I didn't know what to do. I felt lost. I didn't know how to be happy. I didn't know how to go back to my old life. I do not want to go back to my old life. All I wanted and all I want is to be with you. To be yours. To belong to you. To live my life with you. To live my life for you, at your feet, serving, loving and worshiping you ... forever ... till the end of my time. I love you so much ya Setty. I love you so very, very, very, very, very, very much!

I beg you. I beg you with every single bit of me being. I beg you ya Setty. I beg you. I beg you, please don't torture me this way again. Please ya Setty. I beg you. Please, don't make me suffer this way again. It was very painful. Very, very painful ya Setty. In so many different ways ... Unless it would make you happy. In this case, I'd be happy to suffer for you. I love you ya Setty.

05/02/01

I am very worried about you and what is happening. Your voice in the message sounded very sad and tired. I am very worried about you and about what is going on. I hope you will talk to me when you wake up. I pray that she will recover and be well and healthy. I love you so much.

04/02/01

The entire day yesterday, I kept remembering that time I knelt at you feet, kissed them, surrendered to you, and begged you to take me in, and make me yours. How you patted me on my head and how you looked at me and nodded for me. I cannot forget how your eyes looked at me at that time, or how happy, content and peaceful I felt at that time, and how I miss feeling that way. The entire day yesterday, all I could think about was how I wish I could do it again: kneel at your feet, grovel at them, kiss them, tell you how much I love you and miss you, surrender to you, and beg you to forgive me, come back, talk to me and allow me to be with you ... Then, you told me I am selfish ... and you are probably right, as you always are. But, I do not know what to do. I am trying not to be selfish, but it is very difficult. I am trying not to tell you how I feel or what I think, but sometimes I fail. I do not want to upset you or burden you with my feelings and thoughts, but sometimes some of them slip through. I am trying really hard to stay and remain away, as you want me to be, despite of how difficult and painful it is. I am trying to do all of this, against my desire ... for you ... because I love you so much ... and I want nothing more than your happiness ... ya Setty. But, I can feel myself getting weaker. Your love makes me strong. That's why I asked you yesterday if you loved me. I wished to hear it so that I could regain some of my strength, and continue fighting my desires and my weaknesses and my selfishness. I do not want to be selfish. I do not want anything more than you happiness. I love you so much ya Setty.

03/02/01

It has been 6 days, but it feels a lot more like 6 months! I can't even believe that all this pain is for 6 days only! 6 days away from you is such a painfully loooong time. My defenses and strength are all failing. I am trying to stay strong, but I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker. I do not know how much longer I can endure. I love you very much and I need you ya Setty. I am in so much turmoil and pain. Please come back. Please allow me to be with you. Please talk to me ya Setty.

02/02/01

I miss you so much ya Setty! Sooooooooo much! I do not want to live without you. My whole life, I have been dreaming about you. I will not give up. I will never stop loving you. I will never cease waiting for you, nor hoping to hear your voice again. Being away from you is very difficult. Restraining myself from contacting you is extremely difficult. I think about texting you all the time. I have surrendered to my desires and wrote you text messages many, many times; then, I regained my self restraint and erased them before hitting send. My only solace is knowing that you must be happier. I want nothing more than your happiness, because I love you ... I miss you so much ya Setty! :"(

01/02/01

Today is my first month anniversary! When I started writing this journal I was doubtful I could keep it up for more than a few days, or a couple of weeks at most. As I mentioned before, I do not enjoy writing, and I have repeatedly failed keeping or maintaining any kind of journal in the past. Then, I discovered that I loved writing it ... for you ... because it pleased you ... because I love you like I never loved anyone before ... because I love pleasing you and making you happy, more than anything else. So, my doubt transformed to certainty. I became certain that I was going to be able to write this journal and maintain it for as long as you desire ... I started looking forward to my week anniversaries and became anxious to reach my first month anniversary, second month anniversary, first year anniversary, second year anniversary, first decade anniversary... till the end of my time. I envisioned a future where I would be happy, proud and celebrating every milestone I would break writing this journal for you. What I never imagined was that I would be feeling this way on my first month anniversary, instead of being happy, proud and celebrating it.

30/01/01

I feel pretty exhausted today. I am exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am exhausted all around. In spite of my exhaustion, I just wish I could speak with you, hear your voice, know that you are alright, and see you. I miss the strangest things. It is so strange how I so miss waking up in the morning and wishing you a good day, or that I go to sleep without wishing you a good night. I wonder if you miss me, and I wonder how you are. If you are happier, then I am happy you decided to take this break. In spite of how I feel, I really hope you are happier. I love you, and I want nothing more than your happiness.

29/01/01

Today is my 4th week anniversary in ownership to you ya Setty. Unlike every other time, this time, I say this word with a lot of pain. I hoped that this anniversary was going to be even better than my 3rd week one, which was absolutely great. However, sadly, it turned out to be even worse than my 2nd week anniversary, which was pretty bad in itself. I feel extremely sad, and I am paralyzed; unable to do anything about it.

I miss you so much ya Setty. It is very painful not to be able to chat or speak with you. It is very painful to be alone, without you. It is also very difficult to feel paralyzed; unable to do anything about it. While I wish I could speak with you, explain to you what happened; understand from you why you are so very upset; apologize to you, grovel for you, and beg for your forgiveness; make it up to you, I am unable to do any of this. I am unable to do anything because I have to obey you. You told me you needed space, and I can only obey you. Regardless of how difficult it is. Regardless of how I feel. Regardless of what I wish. You matter to me a lot more than I matter to myself. I told you before, I would sacrifice for you. I would rather be sad, unhappy and in pain, then to attempt anything that could upset you or cause you sadness in any way. It is very difficult, but my love for you gives me strength. It gives me the strength to suffer in silence ... for you.

I will not tell you how hard the day before yesterday, yesterday and especially today have been for me. I will not tell you how I felt and feel, and I will not tell you what I did or did not do today. I really wish I could tell you. I really wish you would know. I really wish I could speak with you. I really wish I could hear your voice. I really wish I could know how you are. I really wish I could know how your day has been. I really wish I could see you. But, I will not. I will not tell you. I will not tell you ... not because I do not wish to. On the contrary, I so wish I would. But, I will not tell you because I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I will not tell you because you told me you needed space ... probably because you need to sort something out... or think ... or make a decision ... and you do not want me to be with you while you do so. You probably do not want to be influenced by me. So, I have to respect your desire. I have to respect your desire and stay away. I have to respect your wish and help you do what you wish without my influence ... or my presence ...  or your sympathy for me ... regardless of how difficult and painful it is for me. I have to obey you. You are Setty. I love you more than anyone or anything. I have to respect your desire and obey you.

I understand that this relationship is not easy. It is not easy for you and not easy for me. But, I love you so much ya Setty, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, and to be yours. But, I cannot do it alone ... and, I cannot do it if it is beneficial for only me. I cannot do it if I am hurting you and causing your pain. I cannot be selfish because I love you. I cannot be selfish because I care about you more than I care about myself. I cannot do it unless you want me to. I cannot do it unless you want me to be with you.

This is why I have to obey you. This is why I have to neglect what I want and what I wish. This is why I have to respect your desire and obey you. This is why I cannot tell you ... because I love you ... I love you so much ... ya 7abebty ... ya alby ... ya rou7 alby ... ya Setty! I love you, and I will always be at your door ... waiting and hoping you would take me back and allow me to live at your feet, with you ... and, for you. I love you ya Setty.

28/01/01

I miss you so much ya Setty. Please do not understand what I am about to write as complaining. Per your desire, I am only sharing my thoughts and feelings. I am truly very happy that you have been allowing me the privilege of speaking with you and seeing you. Every time I speak with you or see you, I feel truly happy. I think you can sense it in my voice. I think you can sense my love, adoration and happiness in my voice when you allow me to speak with you or see you. Yet, at the same time, while you have been allowing me the privilege of speaking with you, which I am very grateful for, I feel you have still been holding back and not allowing me to know you more. I have asked you several things, and you have responded by saying you did not wish to talk about them at that time. You have indicated that there are things you want to speak with me about, then later forgot what they were, or changed your mind. I understand that the time difference could be confusing and that it is possible that the timing was just off. Yet, sometimes I wonder whether you are holding back; not allowing me to get closer to you. I love you so much ya Setty. I am completely and madly in love with you. There is nothing I wish more than being completely and totally yours, knowing everything about you, being your closest friend, lover, slave, otta, bitch, and anything and everything you would want me to be. I understand it is a privilege, not a right. So, I can never demand such a thing. I am only sharing my thoughts, feelings, dreams and wishes.

I missed you soooooo much yesterday and today ya Setty. I am very sorry I had such a long day today and that when my cellphone died, I left it in the charger and was not able to retrieve it back and keep it on me. In addition to the long day, I thought you were sleeping. I repeatedly mentioned that you rocked and continue to rock my world. I wrote and mentioned that you have completely changed my life. I am no longer happy with my current life and I cannot understand or remember how I was one day happy with my life ... if you were not part of it! One of the aspects that you changed in my life, which I only noticed today, is how I have been constantly holding to my cellphone since I started speaking with you. Before meeting you, this was the complete opposite. I used to be famous for not answering my phone. Not because I do not want to, but because I never used to carry it on me. I used to always leave it lying somewhere while I went about doing various stuff. I used to have a reputation for that. People used to be surprised if I ever answered any of their calls. However, since meeting you, I have become the complete opposite. I have been constantly walking around with my phone in my hand. Not even in my pocket. It is always in my hand, in font of my eyes. I do it for you. Only you, and no one else but you. Setty rou7 alby, whom I so madly love, adore and worship.. It is always in my hand because I am always longing to speak or chat with you. I am always waiting for you to read my message(s), send me a message, or acknowledge my in any way. I am always waiting for my beloved Setty .., waiting on You hand and foot. I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty, and I miss you soooo very much!

27/01/01

I missed you so much today ya Setty. It was pretty painful not to be able to speak or chat with you. It was painful to the extent that I couldn't work or do anything else but wait for you and hope to hear from you. Everyday, I realize how much I actually love you. I realize how I'm completely, utterly and absolutely in love with you. I love you so much and wish for nothing more than being with you, being yours and spending my life at your feet, with you and for you. I love you so much ya Setty.

I'm quite stressed this week. I've a lot of late work that I've to catch up on. I stayed late working tonight and have to get up and go to work in a few hours.

I LOVE your photos VERY much ya Setty. You're so incredibly and absolutely Gorgeous, and your feet drive me mad! I'm so crazy in love with you!!! You're Setty!

26/01/01

I love you so very much ya Setty. Seeing you has such an incredible effect on my heart. I do not even know how to explain it. I cannot grasp it or put it in words. I love seeing you so much. I would have no trouble just looking at you quietly for whatever length of time you would allow me. Just seeing you, watching you makes me feel truly happy. It makes me feel very happy; it is strange. I would just love to sit there watch you and listen to you forever, and I would be truly happy the entire time.

You have such an incredible laugh too. In fact, you have several different laughs, and they are all quite incredible. I love listening to all of them. Each and every one of them moves my heart and, they too, make me feel truly happy.

It is so strange how much I love you. I never thought such love is possible. I never believed it exists. But, particularly, I never thought it could be possible for me to love someone so much, or in this case, to fall completely and madly in love with someone in this extreme manner. It is so strange that I love everything about you. Whether it is your body, or your moves, or your thoughts, or your voice, or your words, or your art, or your attitudes, or your moods, or your gestures, or your smiles or laughs, or your dominance, or your sweetness, or your softness, or your tenderness, or your silliness, or your kindness ... and, even your meanness. It is unbelievable that there is absolutely nothing that I am even neutral about. I am completely and madly in love with everything about you ... every little, small,, big or huge thing ... absolutely everything ... everything!

You are absolutely incredible. You are everything I ever wished for, dreamt about, and even things I never thought about or imagined. You are a Goddess ... my Goddess ... I love you so very much ya agmal we a7la Setty. Every bit of my being is so incredibly in love with you! I love you ya Setty!

25/01/01

Ohhhhh ya Setty! I love you so very very very much! I love how funny and happy our conversations have been. I love that you have been allowing me to speak with you. I love all the sweet things you say to me. I just love you so very much ya agmal we a7la Setty.

I'm truly sorry I fell asleep while chatting with you earlier. I have no idea what happened. Apparently, I was too exhausted. I fell asleep suddenly. After falling asleep, I woke up a couple of times but I couldn't even lift my arm and I just kept falling asleep again. Please don't be upset. I beg you ya rou7 alby ya Setty.

I love your new look, just as much as I loved your old one, and just like I love everything about you ya a7la Setty. I love your hair cut, your berbel hair, your beautiful mani, and your beautiful, sexy feet and pedi. But, I particularly love how joyful the new look is making you feel. No words can describe how much I love and desire your happiness. And, how much I love your beautiful smile, and your heart-fluttering laugh. You rock me ya Setty, and you rock my world. I'm so madly in love with you. So madly in love with you.

24/01/01

I love you so much ya a7la Setty. Again, and again, and again, I didn't know that the line dropped. So, I kept speaking for at least 20 min before I realized that the line dropped. I know that it's at least 20 minutes, because that's the time difference between the time I hung up and the time stamp on the message I discovered you sent on whatsapp!

I love speaking with you when you're in a happy mood. I love speaking with you all the time, but I specifically enjoy it when you're happy and laughing. I love you so much. I feel very happy when you laugh, especially when I'm the one making you laugh. I miss seeing you and I miss your laughs a lot. I love you ya Setty.

I feel very tired today. I'm going to go to bed. I hope you'll have a good night sleep ya a7la we agmal Setty ... ever! I love you so very much ya Setty. Kissesssssssssss

23/01/01

Today has been such a long day. I am so exhausted. I wonder whether you remember our conversation last night/this morning. You sounded quite asleep. I wonder what you remember - or not remember. For some reason (that is because I am madly in love with you), I love speaking with you even when you are half -or fully- asleep. How strange is that! A conversation typically requires two active sides. However, even when you are asleep, I feel happy speaking with you ... having a one-sided conversation; just because I feel I am with you and close to you. Oh, how much I love you ya Setty! How much I love feeling and being close to you.

I so love speaking with you ya Setty. I so loved our conversations today. I loved hearing your beautiful voice, listening to your heart-rocking laughs, and learning all about your mean facts. I love you so much ya a7la Setty, and I absolutely love speaking with you. Thank you very much for making me feel so happy tonight ya agmal we a7la Setty. I'm so madly in love with you. Everything about you.

22/01/01

Setty! I wrote in one in my previous journals how much I love this word. What it means to me and how it make me feel. However, what I did not write before is that while the word always holds and conveys my very deep, strong and powerful love feelings and emotions towards you, I sometimes use it with tremendous amounts of joy and happiness ... and other times it is accompanied with much agony and pain. Today, I use my beloved word, Setty, with the former. Today, I feel very happy. I feel I am flying in happiness. You are Setty. I missed you so much these past days. You were there, but I was alone. Today, I do not feel alone. Today, I feel your love. I feel your protection. I feel yours. Every bit in my being wants to be yours, wishes to be yours, and no one else's, forever. Today, you are Setty. I love you and I know I am yours. A few days ago, I dreamt you told me "You are mine. Mine. Mine. Mine". A few days ago, it was a dream. It was a wish. It was a prayer. Today, I feel it. I feel I am yours, and it fills my heart and soul with happiness. There is nothing I wish for more than being yours. Your property. Your love. Your companion. Your otta. Your bitch. Your friend. Your pet. Yours. Yours in every possible way. Totally, utterly and completely yours. You are Setty, and I am yours.

The closer I feel to you, the happier, calmer, more confident, more peaceful I feel. I love when I learn new things about you. I love when I know you better. You promised me you will never use silence against me again. To me, this means you promised you will never leave me alone again. You told me many other things, most of which we haven't discussed yet. Things such as that you want to love me without the burden of your "issues". What I really hope and would truly love is to learn all about your burdens. In full details. To share them with you. To carry them with you. In full weight. I want to be very close to you. I want to be useful for you. I want you to rely on me. To trust me. To be certain that I am and will always be with you ... Yours! Similarly, I wish that you would know everything about me too. I wish I could share all my thoughts, feelings and everything that I am with you. I wish we could become one. I never loved anyone the way I love you before - and I am sure I never will. I never attempted to be open with anyone before. I never felt I wanted to. But, with you, it is completely different. You are not like anyone else. You are you. You are my Love. My Mistress. My Owner. My Goddess. You are Setty! I want to be an open book for you. I want to share everything with you, just as much as I wish you would share everything with me. I want to be yours. Completely yours. You are Setty.

Today is my third week anniversary of ownership to you. I am so happy and grateful it is nothing like my second week one. I hope that my fourth, fifth, tenth, hundreds, thousandth, and all succeeding ones will continue to be as full of love and happiness as today. I love you ya Setty. I love you so much. I am madly in love with you. I love you, I adore you, and I worship you. You are Setty! I love you so much ya Setty.

21/01/01

I miss you so much ya Setty. I miss speaking with you a lot! Your texts sort of indicate that you are feeling better today. I hope it is true, and not my wishful thinking . I read the post you forwarded to me many times. I am happy you think it is wise. I see its rationale, and I hope you will decide to follow its embedded advice. I hope that you always remember and are aware of how much I love you and care for you, and how I would love nothing more than to be close to you, on all levels: emotionally, mentally, and physically. I hope you realize how I would love nothing more than to learn about everything that you are thinking and experiencing, and think with you and for you. I care about nothing more than your happiness ya Setty. I wish I could be of any use for you. I care about you so much, and I wish I could be part of your life. I just love you so much ya Setty.

In the past couple of days, I remembered and relived (in my mind) almost all of our meetings. I remembered the first time when we met in the club then I drove you home. The second time when I picked you up, played you the french songs, and we spent the night at Mena House where I served you bread and butter, then I knelt for you, kissed your feet and begged you to take me in before taking you home. And, how you showed me the place where you used to live on our way home. The third time when you denied me the privilege of seeing you (in spite of Zamalek's miracle), then changed your mind because I was wearing pink! And, how I loved receiving pain from you and loved worshiping your amazing body and pussy. Then, we went out and had dinner together after spending a good amount of time searching in Zamalek. And, the fourth and last time when we met at the club, then went to your house where I loved listening to your wishes, reading your poetry and seeing your drawings, then spent this glorious morning having breakfast together at the Marriott and brought the croissant on our way home. I remembered and loved all the details of all of our four meetings. This is not the first time I replay these four days in my mind. I am always remembering, re-remembering and re-living those four best days of my life. I love you so much ya Setty. I am so eager to spend more time with you, all my time with you, loving you, serving you, obeying you, adoring you, and worshiping you. You mean the world to me. I love you soooooooooo much! I miss you sooo much ya Setty. Soooooooooooo much.

20/01/01

I love you so much ya Setty. I so loved hearing your voice today, and even though our chat today was frequently interrupted, I still loved it very much. I miss you a lot ya Setty. I miss you very much. I miss seeing you, I miss seeing your smile which I adore, I miss your laugh which I relish, I miss hearing your beautiful voice, I miss spending hours only chatting with you and listening to your exciting stories, enticing adventures and (mostly) splendid dreams, I miss going on Pokemon quests with you, I miss getting Shadow's Shawerma,  I miss your touch, I miss feeling your soft skin, I miss smelling your sweet odor, I miss caressing your beautiful face, I miss worshiping your sexy body, I even miss feeling pain by your hands. I miss you so much ya Setty, and I miss everything about you. Even though our phone conversation earlier today was fairly short, I still loved hearing your voice and speaking with you. And, even though our chat was repeatedly interrupted, I still loved chatting with you earlier today. I appreciate any amount of time you allow me to spend with you, and regardless of the communication venue that you allow me. You are my Goddess, my Mistress, my love, Setty ... and, I am completely and madly in love with you.

Your words have such a powerful effect on me. When you tell me words like "I love you", "I want to be with you", "I miss you", "I miss being inside you", "... while you fuck me" ... You rock my world. You make me feel extremely happy. Your words make my heart flutter, they cause the sun to shine in my eyes; the stars to twinkle, dance, and sing with me; the moon to shine, grow and smile for me ... all at the same time. Your words take my fears away. They bury my worries. They allow my mind, heart and soul to rest and just enjoy being happy for being able to listen to you and marvel in being with you.

Even my dreams about you make me happy. When I dream about you making love to me, causing me to produce such intense moans and squeals. Or, when you tell me and stress to me that I am yours, Yours. Yours. Yours ... I feel quite happy. I wish I could be yours ... with every tiny bit of my heart, mind, body and soul ya Setty. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being yours. I want nothing more than being utterly and completely yours ... and no one else's ... only yours. I wish you would own me completely ya Setty. I wish to live my life under your will. I wish to live my entire life loving you, adoring you, worshiping you, pleasing you, obeying you, and hopefully succeeding in making you happy. You once wrote that I may be naive to think that I could please you ... and may be you are right, but I certainly hope not ... I do not know. What I do know is that I love with you my entire existence. The way I feel about you, I have never felt and will never feel that way about anyone else. It is only you and will never be anyone but you ... There is no one else like you and there could never be anyone else like you. You are perfect. Absolutely perfect. So, if I cannot make the one and only person I love so much happy, then what good is my life! I cannot imagine that I could ever fail with all the love I hold for you ... the strongest feelings I have ever experienced or will ever experience. I love you so much ya Setty, and I strongly feel that I could make you happy. Please do not make me doubt myself. Please do not say otherwise. Else, what good would my life be.

I love you so much ya Setty, and there is no where I'd rather live except with you ... and for you. I love you ya agmal we a7la we a3zam Setty! I love you soooooo much!

19/01/01

I woke up dreaming about you again today ya Setty. I woke up to find myself making squealing sounds. Again, I dreamt that you were making love to me, but this time I was both moaning as well as squealing. The dream felt so real to that extent that when I woke up I discovered that I was making these squealing sounds not only in the dream, but also in real life. I do not know if anyone heard me make these sounds. And, I do not know what anyone would imagine I am dreaming about, if they were to hear me make these sounds while asleep. I doubt they would imagine how much I love you, miss you, wish to be with you, and wish you would make love to me.

People have different views about dreams. Some believe that the soul leaves the body and travels into mysterious dimensions where it captures messages about the unknown. Science, however, postulates that dreams are representation of thoughts, beliefs, hopes and fears from our unconscious minds. Since I am a man of science, I share the latter postulation.

I wonder what my unconscious mind is trying to tell me by these dreams about you. Is it trying to tell me that I love you so much, that I long to be with you and feel you both outside and inside of me? Or, does it miss you too much and is trying to compensate for the void created by your absence by producing these vivid dreams and images about being with you? Or. perhaps, it fears that your absence is an indication that we are drifting apart and is trying to reassure itself that we are still close and that I will someday soon be even much closer to you, where I will feel and experience your love in the most intimate of ways. Psychiatry is certainly not one of my strong hauls. However, I do believe that my unconscious mind is trying to tell me something. I am just not certain what it is yet.

While I have yet to make a conclusion about the meaning of those dreams, I cannot but hope that I will continue to experience and remember more and more of them. I love dreaming about you ya Setty, and I particularly love dreaming about, and feeling, you make love to me. I love you so much ya Setty. I love you and I miss you so much. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being with you, being yours and living at your feet, by your side, and for you. Ottetek loves you and misses you so much ya Setty.

18/01/01

Setty 7abebty! I would never miss a day without writing for you. You are the only person I love writing for, and you are the only person I love doing things for. It is as if doing those things for you makes me feel and realize that I am yours, which by turn makes me feel happy, really happy. I missed you a lot today. We have not chatted almost at all, and I neither heard your voice. Earlier today, you told me you were puzzled about something, but you did not tell me what it is, which is certainly your absolute right. It is a privilege for me when you decide to share anything with me. Yet, since I am obliged to share all my feelings and thoughts with you, I have to tell you that I really wish you would have shared what was puzzling you with me.

Chatting with you, speaking with you, hearing your beautiful voice, and doing things for you make me feel very happy. They make me feel truly happy because they make feel close to you, and they also make me feel that I am yours. Similarly, when you share things with me, when you allow me to know aspects relating to your life, I feel very happy too. There is nothing I wish for in this world more than being close to you, being yours, and spending my life with you, and for you. In addition to this, there is no one I love in this world more than I love you. There is no one I care about in this world more than I care for you. There is no one I wish would be happy more than I wish you would be. There is no one I wish I could serve and help make happy more than I wish I could make you happy. Accordingly, I wish I could know what was puzzling you because I wish I could be useful for you and hope that I could perhaps contribute to helping you think through what is puzzling you. I wish I could be of any help for you in any possible way.

Sitting here by the ocean, listening to the waves in the middle of the night, makes me think about you constantly, wishing you are here with me. I am always thinking about you, but because I love this place (the ocean) a lot, it always makes me think about you even much more and makes me wish you would be here sharing it with me. Because I love this place a lot, I feel like I want to share it with the person I love the most, You, ya agmal we a7la Setty. I remember that you do not like the sea much, yet being here thinking about you reminds me of the time when you were laying with your head on my thighs telling me about your 20 wishes. I so wish you were here with me ya Setty. I wish I could see you right now. I wish I could hear you. I wish I could speak with you. I wish you could see and feel all the love I hold for you.

I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty. I love you madly. And, I miss you a lot.

17/01/01

My love for you is like a fairy tale! Yesterday, I was thinking about how unique our story has been. I love you so much, even though we have met, face to face, for only 4 times. It is true that two of them were several hours long, yet still, in total, we have met for only four distinct times! Don't you think this is quite unique? Even if we add all the phone conversations we had. Only a few of them were a few hours long, but most of the other phone conversations were only a few minutes. So, even if we factor in all these phone conversations and add them to our face to face meeting times, I find that we have known each other for such a short period of time, in comparison to the amount of love and adoration I hold for you. I think it easily qualifies for a fairy tale ... a very unique and heart moving one!

I still know little about you. I have yet to learn a lot. For example, recently I have been thinking that I do not know your favorite colors, your favorite dressing styles, your favorite sweets and desserts, your favorite appetizers ... I have yet to learn how to cheer you up when you are down, how to earn your forgiveness when you are upset, what's the best way to make you smile, how you would think about or react to various incidents or motivators, what you hold dear and what is not that important to you ... too many things. I love you so much. I wish I could learn everything about you. I hope that one day I could be as close and dear to you as is practically impossible, yet with my love, adoration and determination, ultimately possible,

You told me a few times before that there are aspects that we will never get to know about one another except when we are living together. I completely agree with you, and wish I could be with you now before later, yesterday before today, last week before this week, last month before this month .... I can't wait to have the privilege of being with you not only because I love you and wish to be very close to you, and not only because I wish to know these aspects you were referring to, but also because I wish to learn everything about you. I wish to observe and learn absolutely everything about you. I wish to observe your every reaction, study your every response, recognize your every move, know your every thought and every feeling, be able to anticipate your every mood ... I long to be your dearest friend, most trusted companion, most loving partner, most adoring lover, most doting pet, most worshiping follower, most devoted slave ... I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty ... agmal we a7la Setty ever! I am so madly in love with you.

16/01/01

I love you so much ya Setty. Your words have such a profound impact on my emotions and feelings. When you say things like "I loved you journal post", "I love you", "I am sorry I cannot come sooner" or even a single word like "Otta", my heart flutters and I feel a tremendous amount of joy and happiness. I feel extremely happy when I sense your care and love for me. I love you so much ya agmal we a7la Setty.

I felt truly happy speaking with you yesterday, and even hearing your voice for a couple of minutes today. I love feeling close to you. It fills my heart with happiness and joy. Even when you are feeling tired, stressed, or injured, and while I feel pain for not being able to be with you, taking care of you and loving and  worshiping you, I still feel truly happy that you allow me the opportunity to be with you - even if remotely. I can feel your content for the arrival of your brother. I hope he will be able to reduce your stress, even if for only a couple of days. I am happy that you are going to get some sleep tonight, and hope you will also get to eat something. And, I just really hope that he could take you to see a doctor too. I am really worried about your foot.

I love you so much to the extent that I care about and love everyone you care about and love. Although I never got the chance to meet or speak with your mom, I care about her and feel I love her, from your stories and because she is your mom. I pray for her well being, and I hope she will recuperate and be better very soon.

I love you so much ya Setty. I love you so very very very much! I am just madly in love with you.

15/01/01

Setty! As the title of this blog indicates, today marks my second week anniversary in ownership to you. I never imagined that this journal could ever be so short. Writing this journal, every day, and looking at its title date, I have been always dreaming about the time I would reach the second month, tenth month, second year, tenth year ... and wondering whether I would reach the 30th, 40th or 50th year. Since I met you, I have been always dreaming about spending my entire life by your side and at your feet. I know you told me to stop writing this journal, and, surprisingly, it hurts me a lot. But, I find myself unable to quit my dream of living my life with you and for you. So, in spite of your opposing demand, I find myself insistent on writing; hoping that if you, one day, find yourself missing it, you would be happy to discover that I never stopped writing ... for you.

This is truly quite surprising to me. I never enjoyed writing. The last time I enjoyed writing was more than 20 years ago. So, while it was interesting for me to find myself happy to write for you, it is even a lot more interesting that I am continuing to write for you, even when you have demanded the opposite! It might be quite interesting, but I do not find it strange or weird any more. You made me discover love, and with love, you made discover and taught me many other meanings. Meanings that I never imagined existed. You made me discover a lot of things about myself. A lot of thoughts and a lot more feelings, These thoughts, these feelings are huge, extravagant. They ... you ... have rocked my world. My love for you is enormous. It is huge, much more than could ever be conveyed by mere words. So, in comparison to these thoughts and feelings, and my infinite love for you, discovering that I would love writing ... for you ... becomes completely insignificant. In fact, it becomes completely rational and unsurprising.

I love you so extremely much ya Setty. To an infinite extent. You are my owner, my love, my Mistress, my Goddess, my life. You are Setty! I love you to an extent that I cannot fathom or describe in mere words. I am your slave. I am your property. I am your love. I am yours. So, I find my self unable not to do things for you. I love doing things for you, which is another very surprising side of me. Even when people who I hold dearest to my heart ask me to do things for them, I do these things because I am supposed to do them. Because I should do them. But, not because I love or enjoy doing those things. But, my love for you is absolutely, completely and utterly unique. I love doing things for you. I love doing things for you because I want to do them ... because I love you and wish for nothing more than to please you and see your beautiful smile.

I am sorry ya Setty. I am sorry that I am unable to fulfill your demand. I am sorry that I am unable to stop writing for you - as you demanded. I am sorry that I am unable to imagine time passing without doing things for you. I am sorry that I am unable to stop this date-title. I am sorry that I am unable to stop my dream about reaching 01/01/50 or 01/01/100 or for whatever length of time I will continue to breathe. I am sorry that I am unable to imagine living without you. I am sorry that I am unable to stop hoping, wishing and dreaming that you might one day wish to read my journal again.

I love you ya Setty. I love beyond what mere words could ever explain. I love you ya Setty.

14/01/01 A

Not being able to speak with you, Setty, my Mistress, my leader, my love, rou7 alby, my Goddess, is very, very painful. I do not know why you have no desire to speak with me, which makes it even more painful. I know something is going on, and I do not know what it is. It pains me, hurts me and confuses me. I want nothing more than to be very close to you. To be your slave, your friend, your pet, your partner, your love, your trusted companion, but I can see that something is keeping you away. I am going to respect your desire. I will try very hard not to pester you with my pain, my love, my requests or my desires. I will stop mentioning it and complaining about it. I will suffer in silence, and just wait for you to want me again. I will try really hard. I do not know if I can succeed, but I promise you I will try very, very hard, and hope that you will allow me to be close to you once again. Every bit of my being is completely and utterly in love with you.

13/01/01 B

I am not really sure what to write. I miss you a lot. I thought about deleting the last post a few times earlier. As promised, I took the less defying option earlier today. You did not give me permission to go out; so, I stayed home the entire day, which was not too exciting. But, I am happy I obeyed your instructions and I hope you will be proud of me and like me more.

I keep remembering how beautiful and sweet your voice with me was yesterday. I was very hurt and very confused, but when you spoke with me, you were very kind and loving. You eased my pain, embraced me with your kindness, understanding and love and made me feel happy and peaceful. I felt so full of admiration, love, awe and worship of you, and so badly wished I was with you so that I could embrace you, kiss your feet, kiss you, love you, worship you, and shower you with me love and adoration. Yet, at the very end, I felt that something upset you. I felt distant from you when you decided not to share it with me, shut me out and sent me away. I wanted to push further, but I couldn't risk upsetting you again. So, I just surrendered to your will.

I truly admire and appreciate your intellect ... a lot! I love how rational, intelligent, smart and level headed you are. I was very happy when you explained to me that you are gentle with me because you realize the issues of distance, and the early age of our relationship. I really appreciated that and made me love and adore you even much more. Every day, I just fall more in love with you. You are so incredibly amazing. You rock my mind, my heart, my soul and my life. There is no one else like you ya Setty. You are so incredibly amazing, and I know I am so incredibly fortunate to be your loving slave. I love everything about you ... everything! I love you so much! So very very very much ya agmal we a7la Setty! But, I miss you a lot too.