Today is my 4th week anniversary in ownership to you ya Setty. Unlike every other time, this time, I say this word with a lot of pain. I hoped that this anniversary was going to be even better than my 3rd week one, which was absolutely great. However, sadly, it turned out to be even worse than my 2nd week anniversary, which was pretty bad in itself. I feel extremely sad, and I am paralyzed; unable to do anything about it.
I miss you so much ya Setty. It is very painful not to be able to chat or speak with you. It is very painful to be alone, without you. It is also very difficult to feel paralyzed; unable to do anything about it. While I wish I could speak with you, explain to you what happened; understand from you why you are so very upset; apologize to you, grovel for you, and beg for your forgiveness; make it up to you, I am unable to do any of this. I am unable to do anything because I have to obey you. You told me you needed space, and I can only obey you. Regardless of how difficult it is. Regardless of how I feel. Regardless of what I wish. You matter to me a lot more than I matter to myself. I told you before, I would sacrifice for you. I would rather be sad, unhappy and in pain, then to attempt anything that could upset you or cause you sadness in any way. It is very difficult, but my love for you gives me strength. It gives me the strength to suffer in silence ... for you.
I will not tell you how hard the day before yesterday, yesterday and especially today have been for me. I will not tell you how I felt and feel, and I will not tell you what I did or did not do today. I really wish I could tell you. I really wish you would know. I really wish I could speak with you. I really wish I could hear your voice. I really wish I could know how you are. I really wish I could know how your day has been. I really wish I could see you. But, I will not. I will not tell you. I will not tell you ... not because I do not wish to. On the contrary, I so wish I would. But, I will not tell you because I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I will not tell you because you told me you needed space ... probably because you need to sort something out... or think ... or make a decision ... and you do not want me to be with you while you do so. You probably do not want to be influenced by me. So, I have to respect your desire. I have to respect your desire and stay away. I have to respect your wish and help you do what you wish without my influence ... or my presence ... or your sympathy for me ... regardless of how difficult and painful it is for me. I have to obey you. You are Setty. I love you more than anyone or anything. I have to respect your desire and obey you.
I understand that this relationship is not easy. It is not easy for you and not easy for me. But, I love you so much ya Setty, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, and to be yours. But, I cannot do it alone ... and, I cannot do it if it is beneficial for only me. I cannot do it if I am hurting you and causing your pain. I cannot be selfish because I love you. I cannot be selfish because I care about you more than I care about myself. I cannot do it unless you want me to. I cannot do it unless you want me to be with you.
This is why I have to obey you. This is why I have to neglect what I want and what I wish. This is why I have to respect your desire and obey you. This is why I cannot tell you ... because I love you ... I love you so much ... ya 7abebty ... ya alby ... ya rou7 alby ... ya Setty! I love you, and I will always be at your door ... waiting and hoping you would take me back and allow me to live at your feet, with you ... and, for you. I love you ya Setty.
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