Saturday, August 20, 2016

05/01/01

It truly pains me not to be able to be with you or take care of you, and it pains me much more to feel that I am unable to make you happy. I cannot describe my feeling when you said that I cause you misery ... everyday. It is a mixed feeling of extreme sadness, denial, disbelief, frustration, failure, helplessness ... How could I love you so much, yet not only fail to make you happy, but also cause you to feel the opposite?! Even writing this down right now makes me feel I want to cry.

Love is not the only new feeling that you have given me. Since I met you, I have experienced a vast array of feelings that are completely foreign to me. While love is definitely the strongest, it is only one of many. There are many others. Helplessness, failure, crying, jealousy, anxiousness, anxiety, pain, fear are only a few of these other feelings. Feelings that I have never experienced in this manner before. I mean it when I say or write that "You Rock Me". "You Rock my World". The life that I knew and thought I mastered is falling apart in front of me and it is being replaced by another one that is completely new to me. It is said that humans often (if not always) favor what they know, and fear what is new and unknown. This new, unchartered world is completely strange and foreign to me, and it scares and frightens me, but with you ... and for you, I find myself running, sprinting towards it and in full speed ... diving into its dark depths and in full weight ... and without any regard to caution or reason. My only truth is that I love you! I love you with every bit of my being. I mean it when I say "You Rock Me" and "Rock My World". You are changing everything I know about me or about this world. And, I do not care. All I care about is you. I love you and I want to be with you. I want to be yours and live for you. That is all I care about. You ... nothing else!

I truly love you. I love in a manner that I never knew or thought is possible. One of the main reasons I know that I am truly in love with you is because I care about you more than I care about myself. I think about you before I think about myself. No this is not true! I think about you, only you and nothing else.

I love you ya Setty!

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