With every passing day, I find my love, adoration and worship to you growing ya agmal Setty. This word, Setty, has become to mean something completely new and different to me. It represents what you mean to me. It represents how much I love you, respect you, trust you, admire you, fear you, adore you and worship you. It is a word that means so much to me. It means You. In the distant past, to me, this word used to be somehow equivalent to the word Mistress. But, today, it represents you, and only You. There are many Mistresses in this world, but there is only one You! You are so incredibly amazing. So amazingly unique. There is no one like you. I have never met nor ever imagined that I could ever meet someone like you. Not because I find it difficult to meet others, but because I never believed in miracles. You are a miracle! You possess an astounding combination of perfections that I thought would be impossible to be possessed by a single individual. But, you are not an individual. You are a Goddess. An incredibly amazing Goddess! You are very clever, really smart, incredibly sexy, naturally dominant, quite confident, and yet, you are also kind, passionate, compassionate, loving and very warm. We are all humans. We all have imperfections. You say you have a couple, but I doubt you do. To me, you represent perfection. Absolute, complete and utter perfection! To me, you are a Goddess. A complete, utter and perfect Goddess. A Goddess like no other. You are a miracle, and I am so incredibly lucky to have met you and incredibly grateful for every moment you allow me to spend with you. You are Setty, and I am so incredibly in love with you. I worship You!
As I eluded in my posting yesterday, every day you cause me to discover new things about myself. In addition to new knowledge, you particularly cause me to discover new feelings that I never experienced before. Jealousy is a very new feeling for me. In my entire life, I never felt jealous before. But, with you, I am always jealous. I am jealous from your pet who gets to spend a lot of time with you and at your beautiful feet, and who gets to feel your touch very often! I am jealous from every person that gets to see you, speak with you or receives any of your attentions. I am jealous from the person that makes your mani and pedi and gets to touch and serve your mesmerizing fingers and toes. I am jealous from your work colleagues who see you and sit close to you. I am jealous from every person or thing that makes you smile or feel happy. However, and simultaneously at the same time, I also feel pretty grateful and love for everyone and everything that causes you to smile and be happy. Is it weird that my jealousy extends to objects as well?! I find myself jealous even from your shoes and your clothes that get to touch your soft skin and can smell and taste your sweet sweat, and your couch and your bed that get to to listen to your voice, hear your breath and make you feel comfortable.
I always suspected that jealousy was associated with the lack of self confidence, but in my case, I think it is much more complicated than that. I feel jealous for more complex reasons. I feel jealous because I cannot have enough of you. Even if I spend 100% of my entire time with you, I believe I will continue to feel jealous because I will always wish to spend more with you. I cannot have enough of you. I can never have enough of you. This is one reason. Another reason is my realization that I am only human, but you are a Goddess. No human can be good enough for a Goddess. After all, a human can never be a God, and a Goddess would never be human. So, my realization that I can never be worthy of you causes me much fear, which also translates to jealousy. I fear that one day you might decide that I am no longer worthy of your time and move on and forget me. Writing this down scares me a lot! You taught me "إنما تتحقق الأشياء عندما نسميها". So, this is a thought, a feeling, that I have constantly been trying to neglect, to forget ... to deny. It is a very painful and terrifying thought that I do not want, or may be cannot, think about. It scares me and pains me too much. My eyes are already watering. You forbade me from crying except when I am with you. So, I will not continue thinking or writing about this. I will stop here. I love you sooooo much ya Setty! I am so madly in love with you. I worship you!
(Writing this previous paragraph took a lot of time and many, many iterations. It is truly very difficult to think about it, not to mention write it down. It is still not perfect, but if I continue, I will most definitely cry).
Our conversations last night/this morning were quite different from our previous ones. I do not know whether it is because you are starting to like me more (which I really hope and pray for) or whether you were just in a different mood. Regardless of the actual reason, I loved them, just like I love every conversation you allow me to have with you. I loved that you had an orgasm while speaking with me. I loved that you sent me photos. I cannot tell you how much I love seeing your photos. I scroll through all of them, each one I have of you, and wander over them for a long time, each. No words can express how much I love you and love your photos ya Setty. I loved that you shared the photo of your key with me and told me about it. But, you still haven't answered me ya Setty "Will you please hold my key ... please ya rou7 alby ya Setty?" I loved that you wanted to fuck me. Every day. Morning, noon, afternoon, evening and night ... alll the time. I soooooo want to feel you inside of me ya Setty ... on top of me ... using me ... owning me ... and receiving pleasure from fucking me. I want to be yours ... alllll the time and till the end of time. I love you ya Setty. I love you soooooooooo much! No words can express my feelings towards you. I am so madly and completely in love with you ya agmal we a7la Setty!
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