You told me to write 10 things that would scare me or make me feel uncomfortable as a slave. To avoid any possibility of suspected karwata or upsetting you ya agmal we a7la Setti, I am going to exceed the 10 things and write a dozen. I love you so much ya Setti, I would never dare to upset or disappoint you. So, here is a list.
1) I would be uncomfortable to be my self, a slave, in the presence of a male dom.
2) I would be quite uncomfortable to submit to or serve another male, but particularly a male dom.
3) I am always scared that someone from my vanilla world (e.g. a family member, a friend, a work colleague, ...) would see my true self, a slave.
4) I think I could feel uncomfortable if I were to be showed off to and humiliated by a group of females. I would most certainly be highly uncomfortable if this group included males too.
5) I suspect I might feel very uncomfortable if I were to be gang raped while I am blindfolded, where I would not know the identities of those who are fucking me.
6) I think I could feel uncomfortable if I were to perform submissive acts that are unconventional to the vanilla world in public, e.g. openly giving a foot massage in a football game or an upscale restaurant.
7) I think I could feel uncomfortable if I were to witness you being dominated by someone else, especially a male dom.
8) I am always scared that you would find another sub/slave whom you would enjoy his company more than me.
9) I could feel uncomfortable if you were (or worse, someone else was) to take me to a lingerie store and openly shop for feminine lingerie for me in front of the sales people, or worse, ask for their help.
10) I would be scared to go through body modification practices. I value my man body a lot and would be afraid to loose it.
11) I would feel quite uncomfortable crying in front of someone other than you ya Setti.
12) I would be uncomfortable displaying my slave self in public, even if it were a public BDSM event such as the Folsom Street Fair.
In addition to the above list, which you demanded ya agmal Setti, I would like to share a feeling that I experienced today. Because I love you so much and wish you would know everything about your slave.
I see speaking with you as a privilege; a most valuable privilege. This is why when we first started talking, I was always asking for permission before calling you. Because, I never took this privilege for granted. Even after you told me to call you directly (a couple of times), I continued to ask for permission. Until you put me in that predicament and taught me that I should call and not ask for permission. When I realized that you actually meant it, that you actually allowed me the privilege of calling you directly without asking for permission, I felt very happy ... really happy. I felt I was close to you, and felt I was dear to you. I felt extremely happy. Today, it pained me that you took that privilege away from me. I felt the opposite of what I felt earlier. I felt sad, very sad. I felt I am less close and less dear to you. I understand that my feelings do not necessarily reflect the reality. I understand that it is possible that I am neither less close nor less dear to you. But, I still feel the same. I feel pain. I also feel upset. I feel upset because I realize that you withdrew this privilege from me because I abused it. It upsets me a lot that I was so stupid to the extent that I lost a privilege that I valued so dearly. I am angry with myself, and I feel pain in my heart.
I thought a lot whether I should share this with you. I am afraid you might misunderstand my intentions from sharing it. Please understand and be absolutely certain that I am not making any demands and I am definitely not complaining. I completely understand and respect all your decisions. I am fully aware that allowing me (or anyone else) to speak with you is a privilege that only you control and bestow. You have absolute and complete power over who you'd allow or deny such a privilege. And that your content, peace of mind and satisfaction are my, your slave's, top priorities. I have only decided to write this down and share it with you because you told me that you wish to know everything about me, and especially my feelings. I love you so much ya Setti, I am completely submissive to you, and I am so lucky that you own me. I am madly in love with you ya agmal Setti.
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